Phan Oneshots // Fluff

You're not perfect, and that's why I love you.

Summary: Dan breaks down in front of Phil for the first time and is worried that Phil will break up with him because of it.

warnings: mention of depression and insecurities, also a lot of fluff

Based on the quote attached above

Dan really tried. He tried shutting down his worrying thoughts every time he was with Phil. He tried to dim the taunting thoughts that darkened his mind at the least convenient times but it was so hard...
He knew something had to be wrong with him, being sad all the time wasn't normal, he knew that for sure. Everyone else just seemed so happy, everyone but him.
Still, he couldn't show it, not with Phil. How would Phil want him at all if he knew what was going on inside his head? If he wasn't the perfect guy for him?

He couldn't let Phil see what a sad lonely boy he truly was.

Maybe hiding all those emotions was eating him inside, but losing Phil, that would kill him.  He just couldn't let himself fall apart, not in front of Phil.

And the two boys sat next to each other in one of Dan's visits, watching TV but not really. Heavy eyes shutting down with sleep and the feeling of warmth and familiarity giving comfort to the couple. Their fingers laced together in a lose grip, and limbs tangled underneath a fluffy blanket.

Even though everything seemed perfect, Dan's thoughts had started their tormenting routine circling around his head like a grey cloud of endless rain.

This time, it began with his parents. They had started getting suspicious about his relationship with Phil, and they didn't like it, not one bit. And so, just before he left, they asked him for the billionth time if he had finally found a girlfriend. He became defensive, raising his voice, then his dad raised his voice and a fight unrolled in the Howells' household, once again, until Dan finally left the house to go to the train station. At that point, all Dan wanted to do was scream, scream at them, and tell them that he had finally found someone he loved, that this is who he was... but he couldn't.

Without noticing, tears had started running down his face, slowly at first, and then all at once. And then he was outright sobbing. He tried to cover it up, trying to even out his breathing so Phil wouldn't notice. He turned to his boyfriend, his eyes were closed and he had just fallen asleep a few minutes ago. Dan sniffed, and wiped his eyes trying to get rid of the salty tears. His breathe hitched, chest hurt, and his hands were shaking.

He tried to move away from Phil and go to the bathroom to hide, and to pull himself together again, but when he moved, he woke up the raven-haired boy who looked up at Dan and his eyes were quickly filled with fear and concern.
"Dan, what happened? Are you okay? Why are you crying?" Phil said, sitting up and facing his boyfriend, gently wiping tears away.
Dan looked away, ashamed and mad at himself for not being stronger "I gotta go" Dan took a deep breath "to the bathroom" Dan said standing up away from Phil. And Phil looked at him, confusion filtering on his face, opening his mouth to say something, but before he could, Dan was already running to the bathroom.

Dan locked the door with an unintended slam, and he let the tears run freely down his face. He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed "how could Phil still like me when I'm such a mess," he thought to himself as he opened the faucet and patted his face with freezing water trying to make the redness go away.
Soon enough three knocks where heard from outside and a worried "Dan are you okay?" was softly murmured through the door.
"yeah, I'm fine," he said, mentally slapping himself with how weak that sounded
"Dan please let me in" Phil said, a little firmer but his voice was still filled with love towards Dan.

And Dan looked at himself again and shook his head no even though Phil couldn't see him "I can't Phil, I can't" he said, tears still falling endlessly.
Phil sighed against the door "I'm going to stay right here, at some point you have to come out" he said, sliding down the door and sitting on the floor.

Dan smiled, Phil really did care for him.

Now, he just felt bad for leaving Phil sitting in the cold hallway so after looking at his sad reflection once more, Dan went towards the door, mentally preparing for the imminent break up and with it, the breaking of his heart. He opened the door slowly knowing Phil was putting his weight on it, and as the door opened Phil looked up and saw Dan's tear stained face.
"babe... what happened, talk to me" he said standing up quickly and wrapping his arms around the younger boy.

When Dan felt those familiar arms wrapped around him he could only think about Phil not wanting to be with him anymore, and that made him cry even harder into the taller boy's chest.

"you hate me now don't you?" Dan said his voice only a whisper.

Phil took Dan by the shoulders, pulling away slightly so that he could look into his eyes and stared at him confused "hate you? Why would I ever hate you. I could never hate you"
Dan nervously laughed "but you're going to break up with me, aren't you?" his thoughts were clouding his rational side even more "look what a mess I am, how could you want to be with me after this?" he said pulling away and sitting on the edge of the bathtub, his face in his hands and a new set of tears bubbling in his chest.
"Dan, listen to me" Phil said once again attempting to get close to the boy. Slowly walking towards him and then kneeling in front "why in the world with you think that? I love you"
"but how can you love me when I'm so flawed. I mean, look at me" Dan said pointing at himself and sniffing loudly while Phil shook his head.

"Dan, when said 'I love you,' I meant 'I love all of you'" and he wiped his boyfriends' tears trying to make him understand. "I love all your good things, but I also love all your flaws and imperfections, them together are what makes you you" Phil smiled warmly at Dan "and that's who I have chosen to love."

Dan opened his mouth trying to come up with something to say but he was quickly cut off by Phil "let me just say this, a relationship is not about finding the perfect person Dan, its about finding the person that is perfect for you." Phil said gently touching Dan's cheek "That is you, at least for me" he wiped more tears away, "I want to get to know all of you, and that includes the not so pretty things"

"but Phil" Dan said, his heart pounding against his chest, that's what he wanted too.

"no buts" Phil smiled fondly "Dan, I'm here for you always, don't be afraid to speak up if something is bothering you. Don't be afraid to cry, yell and complain in front of me. We are humans, we aren't meant to be perfect. We're all flawed and those flaws of yours just make me love you even more" Phil concluded standing up and leaning in for a small peck in the other boys trembling lips.
It had finally dawned on Dan. He smiled at Phil standing up and pulling up Phil with him. Then pulling him for a hug "I love you too Phil, all of you, always"

And Phil smiled "I'm glad were on the same page"

A/N: I wrote this when I was on a flight and I had nothing to do but I'm actually really proud of it. Hope you enjoyed.

I might make an account in Ao3 so stay tuned for that.