December // A Winter Soldier Story

28

ｄｅｃｅｍｂｅｒ ３１ｓｔ， ２０１３

２１°

ℬ𝓊𝒸𝓀𝓎

He sees, but he does not see, all at once. His eyes work, but they cannot seem to focus on anything and he's not processing the information he is gathering. When he is in a life or death situation, or on a mission, he is laser focused; but when he is not, his mind is clouded, scattered, empty. 

This is what happens when you carve out the man and leave nothing behind but the weapon. 

He isn't even sure where he is until he hears the sounds of chains and pivots sharply towards its origin, making eye contact with someone that makes him stop in his tracks. Those eyes - he's seen them before. This is a thought that he struggles to form because it is difficult for him to recall anything that isn't related to battle tactics. Since he recognizes her eyes, he then scans the rest of her face, finding soft, unmarred skin, long blonde hair, a hint of exhaustion. Everything he sees confuses him because it is like seeing something entirely familiar and entirely new all at once. She is not what he is used to, but he's sure that he's known her before.

Then she utters a single word, Bucky, and his mind unleashes a sharp pain that causes him to violently swing to the side and fall against the counter, unable to see or even think with a pain so great in his head. His legs shake and sweat forms on his brow as he struggles to pull himself together.

What was that name? Why did it hurt him so badly when it was uttered? What was so powerful about it that his mind would rather fight itself then let him know what it means?

He shakily clambers back to his feet, so dissociated from the world around him now that he can barely remember how to speak. When he recalls how to shape his lips and force sound to come out, he chokes out, "who?"

His eyes focus back on her. He is vulnerable right now when his mind is not occupied by death and destruction. His eyes convey to her how desperate he is to know what the word means, how he is suffering so deeply inside, how he just wants someone to tell him why he is in so much goddamn pain. 

He can't remember ever having thoughts like this before. They exhaust him. But as he looks to her, and her body that is so pure and untouched by war, he feels a desire to keep fighting for the truth. 

Somehow, he knows that she's what he' s been waiting for. She is the key to him breaking through. So he allows the desperation to show on his face, and looks to her for all of the answers he can't come up with himself.