both great and small

ruin

(A/N: I guess I only feel the need to write poetry when my heart hurts because of an ex. So here we go. This is the same person the last few are about. My ex-boyfriend Ben. but also just in general as well about a few other people. -Amber)

when you look
into your mirror
at 9pm
do you like who you see?

or do you feel
the feeling?
the same one
as me?

the sinking pit
the realization
everything you touch
you ruin

I found our photos today
I want to scream but I just cry
a pit of emptiness
is all that's left inside

I used to think
that if I wanted something
with enough force
I could make it mine

if that were true
I never would have
ended up
with you

there once was a girl
with bright eyes
who lit up
every time she saw mine

but over time
that spark turned to fear
and I realized I ruined her
just like you would do to me

then along came a boy
with the same name as you
he was friendly and open
and I thought he was true

but he'd been ruined
a long time before
wasn't willing to open
loves fragile door

for the longest time
I thought we would be
forever and always
but things aren't always as they seem

and when push came to shove
you were gone
I had nowhere to turn
only a pile of ruin

after you I thought
I had found myself
smitten with a boy
who had everything I wanted

but he only wanted me
every once in awhile
made fun of me
for having feelings

then along came a girl
of which I was sure
she was sending me the signals
and she was oh so mature

but soon I found
her heart was not mine
it belonged to another
for quite some time

now we're back
where we started
back to square one
only this time there's no one to ruin