Just Like Porcelain

Chapter 3:Broken inside

This chapter to Crazed Llama:) She's a total sweetheart who has a obsession with llamas if you couldn't already tell by her name. Haha. Anyways, she's a genius and also an amazing friend. Did I already mention a total sweetheart? So here's to her for being there for me!

 On the side is Hailey

Chapter 3: Broken Inside

 I stare at the white wall of my hospital room. Blank and bleary. Those are two perfect adjectives to describe the walls and how I feel. Hollow, empty, like nothing is worth living for. My best friend Juliette is still in critical condition, nothing has changed in the two days I’d been here, in the hospital. I try to have hope that she will survive, to look at this situation with a positive state of mind. I have to believe that she will get better, but how can you have hope when all you get is bad news? 

I glance out the window. Outside is so cheerful and bright. The hot summer sun shining down, trees blowing in the breeze. It's a perfectly happy day, yet I can’t enjoy it. I'm stuck in this stupid hospital, with nothing to do, except be miserable. I'm so lucky I'm not ADHD. I wouldn't be able to survive if I was. 

I see two friends walking outside in the sun. One is throwing her head back, laughing and the other is smiling. Their arms are thrown around each other. They are obviously good friends. I give a sad smile. That could be Juliette and I, but it isn't.

I can’t understand why this happened. Why does terrible things happen to good people. I guess the saying ‘It always rains the hardest on the people who deserve the sun.’ is true. It's certainly raining down on Juliette.

“Abigale?” A feminine voice asks. I turn my head towards the door. Despite my mood, I break out into a huge smile.

“Hailey!” I smile. I want to jump out of this hospital bed and give her a huge hug, but with my broken state, I don’t think I will get me far.

“Oh, Abi! I heard about your accident. Are you okay?” She asks, worry evident in her tone. Hailey's my cousin but I consider her a very close friend.

Hailey walks over to my bed and gives me a side hug. “I’m okay, I guess,” But my eyes cloud over, bringing out the real truth. “I just feel hopeless, like nothing will ever be okay again,” I whisper. Tears pricking at my eyes.

"I understand hun." She nods sympathetically. I try to take a breath but all that comes out is a gasp of emotional pain. 

“God! I can’t go an hour without crying. I’m a total mess. I’m feeling so sorry for myself that I may lose my best friend, that I haven’t even thought about how anyone else is holding up! I'm not the only one suffering! There's her parents and sister. Her other friends. I’m so selfish,” I wipe my tears away, frustrated at myself. I run my fingers through my hair and let out an aggravated cry. I'm exhausted, cranky, and devastated. Those three don’t combine well They produce a disaster.

Hailey sits on the side of my bed. She looks me in the eyes and says. “Abigale Maria Smith. You have every right to be feeling bad for yourself. You’re stuck in this dreary hospital room, you have broken bones, you are in a lot of pain physically and mentally. You’re best friend is in critical condition. I don’t want to hear you say that you are being selfish ever again, until this situation is over. Don’t get frustrated that you’re crying, it only shows that you care. I would be worried if you weren’t crying, to be honest.” 

She gives me a tight hug. I just nod and bury my head into her chest, breathing in her perfume. We sit in comfortable silence for a bit. Hailey stroking my hair and me, just sitting here, crying silently. Just this moment gives me a sense of comfort and maybe even a little hope.

“I just don’t understand why this had to happen to Juliette, to her family, to us. Juliette is the walking definition of perfect. Beautiful, funny, sweet, understanding, brave, unique, headstrong. Everything good. She doesn’t deserve this! Neither does her family,” I sniffle.

Hailey takes a moment to think, still stroking my hair, until she says, “I think this is one of those moments in life where all you can do is be strong. Nothing in life can be perfect for long, eventually there has to be a demon in the way. We have to battle it and hopefully defeat it and keep going on. It’s the way life goes. If everything was perfect, we wouldn’t know what happiness is, would we? Without struggle or adversity we wouldn’t know success or joy because we wouldn’t have anything to compare it too. This situation is the demon and yes, maybe it’s a huge demon, bigger than other demons, but that doesn’t mean we surrender right away. We have to put up a fight, so these kind of demons don’t overrule the world. This situation is showing that this demon may be strong but, the human spirit is stronger.”

I nod, taking in everything in. I give her a sad smile, man this girl is amazing. For only being twenty, Hailey is wise, wiser than most adults. She isn’t saying some cliché saying like “Eventually it will get better.” She's giving the truth, maybe it isn’t happy but it's comforting, in a strange way. 

 “I wasn’t supposed to hear this but, I overheard two doctors saying that she’s probably going to die. So, this fight she’s putting up is all for nothing? What’s the point?” I whisper, crying even harder. Just me saying that Juliette might die makes my heart  re-shatter.

Again, Hailey takes a moment to think before answering. “I believe God wants her to leave a mark on us before he takes her away. As you said she’s perfect. God needs to make her an angel so, she can go around the world saving people. Making people get over their struggles and pains.” I think her words over. Hailey always had this way of saying things and making you feel better even if it isn't what you want to hear.

“So, you think she’s going to die?” My voice cracks.

“I think there’s a high possibility but, there’s also a possibility that she’ll win this fight. We need to have faith in her.” I nod my head. She's right, I need to have faith in my best friend. We lapse back into comfortable silence. Just her hugging me and I being comforted.

“Thanks Hailey. Thanks for what you said. For you being here. For being your amazing self.”

She smiles. “It’s no problem. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. Remember that.” I nod.

“Same to you.” We continue to talk for a bit. We don't go back to the subject of Juliette or death. We talk as if nothing is wrong and in a way it makes me feel a bit better.

“Excuse me but is it okay if you leave now. We want Ms. Smith to have a rest,” One of my doctors enters and asks politely.

“Of course,” Hailey gets up and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Bye Abi. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye Hailey.” I wave grimly, pain throbbing in my arm.

Remind me not too wave again. I think. She waves back. I lay into my bed and close my eyes with Hailey’s words replaying in my head. 

If you've stuck this far then thank you! It means a lot! Please comment and give me your feedback:) Thank you.