Painful Moments In My Life

Chapter 5

Rose POV:

I don't understand how something could hurt so much.. I know my mother never was a mother to me, but the fact that she hasn't tried to reach out to me before I told her I needed space hurts, so does the fact that she never really was there for me, and isn't there for me... I just wish she would understand that I have feelings, and need a mother. Not just a father. All I have is a grandmother who doesn't deal well with emotions, friends, and a father. I used to have a step-mother, but she never really treated me to well. And my mother used to treat me like shit. So, I never had, nor have, a good mother. I have a female teacher that treats me like a daughter, but... I want an actual mother. I am so scared that when I grow up and have kids, I won't be a good mother for them, being as I have no real good role models for being a good mother. And I just wish someone would help me. I have this friend, we call her LB for short. Her and her mom get along great, and her mother is amazing. She even draws little things on LB's napkins for her lunches me and my other friends look forward to seeing the drawings, with me wishing that I had a mother who would cook and draw little things for me to take to lunch. LB's life is something I could only wish for. Don't get me wrong, LB's father really isn't around, but her father, mother, and step-mother(possibly step-siblings) and her get along really well. And I love my father, but.. sometimes he just doesn't understand some stuff like a mother would... and... it makes that really tough, because.. in reality, all I want is for my mother to just curl up and cuddle with me while watching a movie purely because she never used to. And, now, that will never happen because she isn't in my life anymore, even with me telling her beforehand that I want her to have a part in my life, but she never took an interest in it. Only when my grades were failing, then she would beat my butt and tell me to work harder when I couldn't even understand what I was supposed to be learning because she never freaking helped me with my homework. So, to those that have awesome mothers, make sure you show her that you love her.