Forgiveness.

Chapter 9 - Apple with a hole

Apple with a hole

I always said that I do not understand this craze for a happily ever after, maybe because I really do not believe in such made-up fantasies but looking at her tear-stained face as she tries to smile at me but miserably failing at it, makes me want to take a chance in this happily ever after notion.

Might as well we have one in the end?

She waves again as I pull my laptop bag's strip on my shoulder, not because I don't want it to slip off but because I want to be strong. I never thought that leaving a place was that hard. She came to drop me off with Ezzah and Pamir, for some strange reason, she hates the idea of goodbyes that she practically tossed at me when I looked at her with concern, as an explanation.

It warmed my heart, and I do not think I can dismiss my preference for it.

Sighing once again, I contemplated the option of not leaving, for staying some days more, before they literally throw me out of the country because of the expiration date on my visa but that's childish. I know I want to stay; to stay by her.

Glancing at two smiling faces and a horror movie reaction one last time, I turn around to leave for good. Will it be embarrassing if I accept that yes I did everything in my capacity to make these people somehow stop me from going because I did not have the guts in me to say it out loud?

Probably.

I thought maybe Ezzah knowing about my feelings towards Jeena, will be a good thing. I assumed she would stop me or at least help me out but Ezzah being the defender that she naturally is, decided to force me to go because I did not say that I loved Jeena, I just said I like her. She wants me to be sure before I hurt Jeena or worse ruin the friendship that we all had. I actually agree with Ezzah, but at the same time, I am a selfish person who was insane for someone else. I do not think mind in such a state really listens to logic.

My hardware system had crashed days ago when I saw her for the first time. One can say it, the so-called emotion I had for her was at first sight but not really, it was a chain of her existence. Her sassy attitude, smart mouth and the confidence she had without any use of the filtration system in her head was the thing that made me not to forget her but absorb her more in my memories.

After taking my boarding pass, I went to the terminal from where I have to hoop into my plane. There was still time before we board in, so I waited on one of the seats in the waiting area. I was practically sulking. Trying to distract myself from the empty feeling that has housed itself in me, I thought of sending a reply to all the morons on my phone who were asking 'when will I board'. It must be late in Pakistan, so there was not a point in calling Ami at this hour, instead, leaving a voice note was a better idea.

"Ami, I will be on the plane in somewhat 30 minutes. Do not be worried about me and take your medications in the morning at the right time or you know I will ask the doctor to give you an earful when I come back," slipping my thumb off the recording button I was about to get out of the WhatsApp app when I saw Jeena was typing.

The desperate me was praying that she was typing something for me, but the anticipation died in me when I saw the written 'typing' strip to disappear. The feeling of my stomach sinking was indeed a demonstration of how big of a pathetic lover boy I was now, despite the surety of love for me was not over 50 percent.

I twisted my lips in complete annoyance and turned my phone upside down over my left thigh. I should just die instead of embarrassing myself in front of myself. I could do extremely dense things, and yet I can survive people's laugh and criticism if I am okay by myself, and right now, I was not okay with myself. I do not care what people say, I never did, but seriously my soul knows how grand of a wimp I was and I cannot live like that.