three weeks before

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Three weeks before the call was the five year anniversary of Grandma Peggy's death. It was a Monday so I couldn't drive the six hours it took to get back to my hometown, so I tried to call or Facetime or text. Mom and Ben didn't answer so I pushed away the pain of Grandma Peggy 's passing and the memory of the weeks leading up to it and all the shit that happened after and went on with my day.

I ate lunch at school with some girls from my Biology class and one of them had been getting on my nerves all semester, saying bitchy things and laughing too loudly and jostling me with her elbow, and I was always striving to ignore her. But that day, I was itching for a fight. I don't think I'll ever be able to remember what started the argument; it was probably vapid and stupid, but somehow the argument ended with me lunging across the picnic bench and grabbing a fistful of her hair as the other girls struggled to yank us apart.

They managed to separate us and get us back to our respective homes before someone called the police, but not before I'd smashed her face into the table a couple times. I sat in the shower for an hour, Trinity banging on the door, steam filling the room. I just stared at the wall and thought of nothing.

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