The Adventure of The Orca & The Polar Bear

'Chan, Ter'

Author's Note : Do play the song I attached with this chapter above.

New's

The journey home tonight was kind of quiet between me and him. Not that the whole fanmeet was no fun, but I think it was because of the that one question that, we never really think about in these many years we have endured together.

From the obvious awkwardness, to this very clear need of each other. I just never think of it. At all. Because for once I think, we just got too comfortable with the idea that it will always be okay, that's the problem with perception, that home is forever, him too.

Just like how delusional we sometime get, that our mother will always be there, waiting that every turn we make when we fuck something up. That welcoming hugs and tear wiping fingers, that it will always be there.

"What will happen if you don't have each other?"

That very question during that fanmeet we both had just kind of took me down to somewhere I can't tell myself. There I was, on stage, answering that question, with the very cliche things to say, because Tay didn't say anything.

But it wasn't entirely a lie. What said was, a partial truth.

What we have, have no expiry date, and it is a scary thing. Unpredictable thing is always scary and for once, I found myself in deep thoughts about thing I often told Tay to dismiss.

Worry about the thing you have control over, not the other one. Yet here I am, worried sick, overthinking, did I offend him? By being rather confident with my answer, almost like I've prepared for it. In all similarity, to what seemed, wanted.

But unlike him, I've learned of letting go, I just got too good with goodbyes.

Is that what you really want New? Of Tawan with a goodbye?

No. No. Just no. I don't think I can handle it. No. Please, no.

I reach for my phone, tap on my LINE and of course Tay's chat is there at the top. I tap on his profile picture and his profile picture pops up, bigger than the small thumbnail as often shown on the top right. I look at his teethy smile, how can he look so gentle? Tender almost. Unknowingly I smile too.

The sound of the notification notifying me that a text just received, a double click, and this very person's name appears in the notification banner, "Asleep?"

I read the text, taking my seconds to reply because obviously I can't avoid replying anymore, not after I read the text because he knows I read it. For the first time, I'm scared.

Not long after, he videocalls me, perhaps due to me not replying him even after read.

"Wadee khab Tay.", after I tab the answer icon popped on my screen, weakly. Should I pretend that I'm sleepy?

"No reply after read?", he asks me. Seems like he just washed his face and settled. He doesn't usually look that pale. So, you can pretty much tell how when he looks fresh and not so fresh? Hahaha. I can't find any bad word to describe him when I'm talking to myself like this.

"I was just thinking of what to reply na.", I tell him simply. Not looking into the screen, looking around at anything in my room that can be an excuse for me to tell him I'm busy with something. But, I just can't.