The Daydreamer - A Werewolf Novel [Taylor Swift Playlist]

The Daydreamer - Chp 9 [White Horse]

~I should have known/That I'm not a princess This ain't a fairy tale/I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet Lead her up the stairwell/This ain't Hollywood This is a small town/I was a dreamer before you went and let me down/Now it's too late for you And your white horse/To come around~

Jace 
I can't do this. I'm sorry. I can't be wounded again, to be used. Other girls may be okay with it but I am not. I already have too many scars from abuse. It's okay though. There are plenty of other girls who'd be happy to be tossed aside in the end after convinced they're your mate. Besides you deserve so much more than me, someone who isn't broken or human. After all I am only human. So before you can break my heart any more I'll break off your games. 
-Emily

I sobbed sickly as I stumbled up to the back seat of the bus. Passengers looked at me warily or with disgust. I was catching the city buses back to the bus stop that will take me away from here. I was heading back to Aunt Lilly's, she was still at Mamma's and she wouldn't be leaving for a couple more days. I wasn't going to tell them yet. I wasn't holding on as it was.  

It hurt being hollow and numb. The tears were unavoidable as heavily I had left the mall. I'd attached the note to windshield of Jace's Ute which I had found in the parking lot and I also left the camera and the cardigan he had bought to me in that very mall.  

How long until he will find it?  

I winced as I grabbed my iPod with shaky hands and listened to Taylor Swift's sad breakup songs.  

A couple beside me; a young boy and girl around my age sat watching me fearfully as ripping sobs escaped my throat as I trembled. He held her protectively, shielding her from the misery and seeing my ugly mess. I instantly envied here making me cry harder.  

I sat my head against the icy window my head hitting the glass on every bump and turn too sad to care. I felt sick which didn't worry me much; I'd already vomited in a trash can before getting on. This hurt like hell; my insides twisted, torn, trampled and ripped out, my heart shattered and my body heavy and weak. I was reacting like this due to someone I knew for a week! Though they did want to use me and had lied. Though I knew it hurt so much as it was the first person I trusted who just scarred me as if I was worthless.  

I am worthless I reminded myself.  

She was right. I was human, broken, and scarred. Whatever made me think I had a chance? That it was a real fairytale? Jace so much better, he needed a strong mate who was also a werewolf, who wasn't a baby and understood the dynamics of the 'fantasy' world. He was better off without me. Besides I was only an object to him; I wasn't beautiful, special or worthy. I was a mess and now I was hollow.  

It had only been an hour or so and already knew I'd hit rock bottom. I didn't want any form of company, I wanted to curl up in a black hole and fade away. Everything seemed impossible, out of reach, and worst of all; pointless.  

I shivered as the cool glass pane chilled my body, gripping my new jacket closer; a black silk trench coat. I was still in my blue handkerchief dress from before at the mall. Though now I was far from presentable.  

I smiled miserably, my bottom lip trembling, as mentally I noted that outside's weather matched my feelings. Deep black clouds rolled in thickly creating sickly shadows that seemed to claw up the side of the bus and everything else they could smother. It was on dusk the sun disappearing into the night as rain pelted down heavily making it impossible to see, as if the windows were shedding tears of their own. Distantly I could see the sparks and flashes of lightning towards the hill s and from the city. Everything seemed so damp and gray.  

All was lost.  

Even Taylor Swift couldn't convey my feelings today.  

There was nothing. Nothingness.  

As the bus pulled closer to the next stop in the city I knew I had to get off even if it was nowhere near my destination; I was growing absolutely unstable my breathing was shaky as if I was getting no oxygen, tears still seared along my red puffy face and my body trembled and ripped like short jabs of convulsing as my arms wrapped around my body as if it was the glue.  

It was difficult as couples got off and on the bus or some spoke to their loved ones. They boy and his pretty girlfriend still sat across from me their looks of pity and also anxiety.  

I knew even this reaction was ridiculous. It was just a guy! I yelled at myself. Though deep down I knew there was no 'just' behind it all.  

I've never ever ever been so distraught and broken. Ever, and it hadn't even been over two hours! How was I supposed to live the rest of my life with this pain?  

All I wanted no needed, like oxygen was his comforting embrace. Yet he was the reason why I was here. Why me? I cried was it because he thought I'd be easy to get with? He'd almost succeed. Or was it was because I was weak and gullible, a daydreamer? Was it possible that daydreaming was actually harming me? Either way it hurt like hell, or worse.  

Averting my gaze from all that wounded my heart I stumbled with difficulty dragging my bag along making my way down the aisle as the door opened.  

The heavy feet of someone's didn't make me look up but a voice did.  

"Em" he panted relief flooding through him.  

And in that moment everything was okay. All seemed bearable and beautiful, and before I even glanced up I knew that even if I was just going to be a toy for Jace, I'd do it. God I would gladly do anything as long as he was close and I could spend a bit more time with him. I just wanted him to hold me, even if I was just a toy.  

Instantly I despised myself at my wretched thoughts, it was disgusting at how willing I was to do anything to just keep Jace nearby. I hated how he had such an effect on me that I was so weak and passive.  

All eyes were on me as I'd frozen in the middle of the aisle, my bag falling to the ground with a heavy echoing thud that filled the silence as the audience watched.  

Stiffly I glanced up not even caring that I looked terrible though I was wary as to what he wanted. Timidly I glanced up his expression of utter relief and confusement drained as it was replaced with utter pain.  

He was wounded! And though that should sicken me instead all I wanted to do was to remove the pain.  

"Oh baby you're crying." He stated his eyes tender and even though I shouldn't I melted as he said 'baby' and the way he looked at me.  

For the first time since the mall, that felt years ago, I felt whole and hopeful, the warmest I could ever feel.  

Until he got down on one knee.

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