How We Unravel

Ten

Ten: You are My Sunshine

My mind is a product of chaos, the voices inside me are soldiers fighting for dominance, for control — or at least that was what I believed.

Along with the familiar voices yelling at me, came a little whisper from someone calling me by a different name.

"Midnight..."

I am dreaming. I am floating.

"Midnight," he said in a louder voice and I felt a warm hand on my arm. Gently, I opened my eyes and jolted upon seeing the sight of a man beside me.

Mabilis akong umupo at lumayo sa kan'ya, my body reacting negatively, and then, I started shaking.

"Hey."

He looked at me worriedly. With two hands raised in the air, dahan dahan siyang lumapit sa akin, anticipating every second. "Ako 'to, si Art. Hindi kita sasaktan, okay?"

The haze in my mind was starting to falter. I was beginning to wake up. With a couple of blink, my eyes were seeing clearly. Ang singkit na mga mata ni Art ang una kong nakita, at ang lamig na dulot ng umaga sa aking balat ang una kong naramdaman.

I looked around, and we were still inside the tent Art made for us. We were still confined in a world where nothing else mattered.

"I'm sorry," I sighed, a scintilla of guilt evident in my voice.

"Okay lang," he reassured and grabbed the blanket beside him. Pinatong niya iyon sa nilalamig kong katawan. "Nananaginip ka."

Marahan akong tumango at kumapit sa kumot na tanging nagbibigay proteksyon sa hubad kong katawan. Sumandal ako sa isang parte ng sasakyan at kinalma ang sarili.

Art opened the window of the tent opposite to me until I can hear the sweet singing of birds and see the light-blue morning sky.

"Sunrise," he whispered and sat beside me.

The scintillating sun looked majestic over the clouds, its rays penetrating the white fog. Burst of gold and lavender were melting into saffron. The sky looked like a masterpiece of a graffiti artist. The view hushed the monsters inside me. For the first time, no other voice can be heard aside from Art's.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, he sang quietly. You make me happy when skies are gray.

***

You never know, dear, how much I love you,
Please don't take that sunshine away.

I inhaled sharply and closed the music box. The pain was more palpable this time, like a sword cutting through the insides of me, chopping every piece left of me. The walls inside thi big courtroom was trying to swallow me, to drown me.

It has been a year, a year of nothingness, a year of pure suicidal thoughts.

Even my eyes are already tired of tears. I was becoming used to the sharp feeling every time a tear leaves my eyes.

"Are you okay?" Atty. Sia asked while holding my hand.

I nodded my head, tired of saying that I'm okay, but even more tired of explaining the never-ending cycle of pain, of reliving it again.