Dear Diary || troyler

November 20, 2014

Hey there, buddy.

So, I just heard a song.. It reminded me so much of you. I bet you can guess it. How To Save A Life by The Fray. We used to sing it out loud in the car together. Of course, that time I didn't know you were like this. I guess I didn't pay attention. I should've paid more attention, maybe if I did, we wouldn't have gotten into that fight. You would still be here, and I wouldn't be writing in this stupid diary.

I truly am sorry. We rarely fought, and we had the biggest, hugest fight a week before you tried.... I remember it clearly: you were mad at me because I wasn't spending enough time with you. That was true, and I regret it. I wish I had been spending more time with you. I feel like this is all my fault, even though in your letter, you said it wasn't, right? But Tyler, if I hadn't screamed 'I hate You', would you still be here? Yeah, you would. Because I was your rock. You said so, I still have your letter. It's tucked away in the back of this book. I know now, you're my rock too. I just didn't realize it until you were almost gone.

I didn't want to believe it, Ty. I went over to your house to apologize, but you were dead. No, not dead, because you were still breathing. I just didn't believe it. I thought someone had broken into your home and beat you to death, but then I saw the bottle of pills in your hand and the letter in the other.

I'm crying so hard now Ty. I wish you were beside me.

~Troye