unsteady

dangerous

                                           if you're anything like me

                                                             you might just be

                                                                   doing whatever it takes

                                                                                  to outrun the storm

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Kaycee

one week later, friday night

Kaycee, her boyfriend's name slithered up and down her, along with his gaze. She recoiled as he sloppily spilled some of his drink on her. You're drunk, Gabe, she told him flatly. Come on.

You come on, he said sharply, yanking her wrist back as she tried to move. She winced as the cuts on her arms sang in pain, responding to his sharp touch. It wasn't gentle, like the boy from the Hollywood sign's had been. 

She closed her eyes. If you're strong enough to get down from there, you're strong enough to do anything.

She wondered if she went back, if he would be there. She was too afraid to go, though. Too afraid that if he weren't, she'd go ahead and do it.

Mindless. Easy. Jump, then it's over.

Sean made her not trust herself. It set her soul on fire. 

It was a kind of ruthlessness, adrenaline-charging, fire that was lit within her. 

She was dangerous. 

Let me go, Gabe. Her attention was drawn back to her drunk, sorry excuse of a boyfriend as he pulled on her once again. You're making people stare.

Let's give them something to stare at, he slurred. 

Two years ago she would've done whatever he suggested next, would've been thrilled he even paid attention to her. But the bruises on her reminded her that that was not the same Gabe, and she was no longer that Kaycee. Part of it was his fault, as he was the one who hit her after all, but it was mostly hers, for being afraid to leave. No, she pushed back, trying to keep her voice light. Most people knew him by now, and it was his crowd's party after all, but occasionally, another guy got out of line and tried to play Superman and save her. For what? She wasn't getting into his pants. She despised most of the kids that came to these parties, and the ones she didn't mind, well...they knew the order. No one said a word. They pretended his pushes and derogatory comments were funny. She herself feigned a laugh, so they had to be ok....right?

That's what she let them believe. 

That was another reason she cut, after all. For being too weak to say a word.

If you're strong enough to get down from there, Sean's voice reminded her, deep in the back of her head, you're strong enough to do anything.

Let me go, she said, more strongly this time. Gabe leered close to her, his marijuana and alcohol-laced breath deep in her face. He blew at her strand of hair that was loosely hanging in her face, knowing she hated the smell of pot. Tell me what to do one more time, he warned. Kaycee's insides crumpled. I was almost strong, Sean, she apologized. I just can't.

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Sean

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