unsteady

loss

depression

is living in a body that fights to survive

with a mind that fights to die

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kaycee

__

She was healing.

Until one day, she wasn't.

"I just can't do this," she found herself saying to her sister The one person she never wanted to hurt, since she had enough going on already. "I'm just not ready."

"Kayc," Kylie sighed, squeezing her hand as she sat up in her bed. "Don't you think it's time to address it?"

"Address what?" her heart broke as she spoke the words. "That you're dying, and there's nothing they can do anymore about it?"

"There wasn't anything that was going to change the end long-term," Kylie sighed, putting on the brave face she always wore. "We knew that going in."

"I thought," Kaycee said, staring up at the ceiling as tears burned in her eyes. "That they could help you."

"They tried, Kayc," Kylie weakly smiled. "You know what I've done. You know what the doctors have said."

"I just thought one of them would work," the younger Rice sister said softly, hanging her head low. "Just one," she choked out, and threw her arms around her older sister.

"Hey," Kylie said, tucking her sister's loose curl behind her ear and cupping her chin. "Don't give up on me yet, Kayc. I still haven't met this boy, right?" Her attempt at a joke settled Kaycee for a minute. "I'll bring him, Ky," she said. "Eventually."

____

"Are you sure you want me to come?" he asked nervously. "I mean, this is like meeting the parents, right?"

"She's my sister," she gave him a pointed look as she dangled her legs over the W, something that had become habit for her. "It's different." Since she had come home from the psych ward, he'd gone with her everyday to the sign, and they'd sat and talked, and then gone off to do other things. It was either their first or last stop, everytime. Sean said it was important for her to be able to come back to the site where it all went wrong and not feel the same way again.

She didn't view it that way anymore. At least not most of the time.

Most of the time, she viewed it as the place things finally started going right.

But deep inside, she knew her demons weren't quieted. It was enough to get her out. Hell, she could act with the best of them. Part of it came from living in Hollywood, part of it came from having an obsession with the fascination of becoming anything or anyone, with any life that you wanted to have.

"I guess," he said, taking a sip of his Coke. "But I still want to make a good impression on her."

"You will," she assured him. "Just don't state the obvious."

"The obvious?" he scratched his head, confused.

"That she's dying," she said flatly. "Sore subject."

___

"Hey Ky," she said, sneaking her head around the corner. "Someone's here to see you."

"Who?" Kylie asked sarcastically. "Should I do my hair?"