unsteady

backwards, part two

                        i will always save you from the darkness

                                    whether it is the outside trying too much,

                                                                        or the inside not trying at all.

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Sean

"If you love me, you have to let me go."

__

"Kayc, please," he closed his eyes. "I'm not doing that."

"You're making this harder," she cried, sounding pained. "Just stop."

"Good!" he cried in fervor. "You should be rethinking this! If you do this now, you're throwing away everything, everything, that you worked so hard to overcome. Do you really wanna do that, Kayc?"

"I don't know!" she screamed through the door at him.

"Let me in," he lowered his voice down to gentleness again. "Please just let me in, and we'll work it out."

"I'm done with you saving me, Sean," she hissed at him. "I don't need it anymore."

He was silent for a minute as he walked into his room to retrieve his dad's gift for his 8th birthday, one he'd never used because he didn't ever have room in his heart for the sport, the art, the lifestyle that was dance. However, he'd never been so grateful in the ten years he'd had it for the poorly gifted baseball bat.

He raised it to the door, shaking. He drew a sharp breath in and brought down the bat, as hard as he could, on the handle, and, combined with the force of him trying to rip it off prior and the beating the hinges had taken, it fell right off and he slammed into the bathroom, breathing heavy. 

There she was, breathing just as heavily as he was, razor pressed to her delicate skin.

He breathed a short sigh of relief that she hadn't had the mindset to do it yet.

"Obviously," he said slowly, trying not to startle her more than he had already so she didn't make any rash movements. "You do still need me to save you." He held his breath again and weakly extended his hand to her as she watched him, shell-shocked, her hand still poised to strike. "Give it to me, Kayc. We can talk about this. This doesn't have to end here, and frankly, if you want my honest opinion," he frowned, feeling his frustration pour into his coming words, "You're a coward if you end it now, this way."

"You don't know," she spat, "What I've been through."

"Actually," he said, folding his arms, "I do. You ever been in the car with your dad?"

"I don't have one," she said, momentarily distracted and almost smug. "Never have."

"Ok, so you got me beat," he rolled his eyes, "Or do you, really, Kayc?" he narrowed his eyes. "Ever been in the car with your dad and have him realize that you don't have your seatbelt on, even though he's told you not once, not twice, but a million times to wear it, but you're 8, so you know everything, and not listening to your parents is funny, and cool, and so he fumbles to fix it while he's driving, and suddenly, you feel this force that makes you feel like the world is gonna end-"he shook for a second before going on-"And you realize that your car just got hit, and suddenly you look over, and your dad is laying there next to you, dead, and then Kayc," he said angrily, balling up his fists, "Later on, you hear how if he had seen the car coming head on, he would've swerved and been fine? But no, you and your damn seatbelt-" he choked on his words, "Had to fuck everything up."