For the first time in maybe a year, I reached out to my mom about my wellbeing. Here's how the conversation went.
Me: *goes to get a new recycling bag* Ma, what's that thing called where it's tough to sleep? (I know it's insomnia but I didn't know how else to start the conversation?)
Mom: *sitting at the table with her laptop* Insomnia...?
Me: Yeah that. I think I might have it. Cuz I put my electronics away at least 30 minutes before I try to sleep. I read for a while hoping it'll put me to sleep but I just end up sitting in bed for an hour. (lies liEs LIES)
Mom: Well, hm, sounds like h o r m o n e s. Everyone has a little bit of insomnia. Have you tried the typical sleep stuff that Sonja (the therapist I went to once) said? Warm milk? Nilla wafers? (My mom bought nilla wafers for me to eat at night if I got hungry.)
Me: That shit doesn't work. If anything it just keeps me awake!
Mom: Damn okay! You know what else helps, more exercise...
Me: Everything with you ends up being about exercise jesus christ!
Mom: What does that even mean?
Me: Every conversation I have with you seems to always end with "exercise this!" "exercise that!"
Mom: Okay well its true.
Me: It's annoying and unhelpful. The one time that I reach out to you for help! Fucking hell!
Mom: Just because something is annoying doesn't mean it isn't true.
Me: Well you're still not helping.
Mom: I guess we can find an herbal thing (not like hippie shit) that you could use since you're too young for melatonin.
Me: *doesn't respond*
So yeah this conversation went to shit on both ends and I admit, I probably could've been more patient with her, but at that point in the day, my patience had been worn thin. This is why I dislike opening up. I literally almost cried in Health class when the teacher announced that we'd have to ask our parents about drugs/alcohol for an assignment. I want to be able to do it,, I just don't think I can.
bellyache by Billie Eilish (the only song I like by her)
PS: It's super aggravating that I'm not taken seriously when I reach out about having trouble falling asleep on a normal night but then I get attacked when I ask to go to a concert. This why I want to leave.
