The summer has been absolutely stupid. Fuck half the people I know. I really thought this break would be a good one, but it has boiled down to this dramatic realization that high school changes EVERYONE, and often times, not for the better. I suppose I was denying it before and it somehow took until now to fully process the true consequences of starting this whole new and honestly, FUCKING SCARY stage of life.
Now have there been any positives? Of course! Let's list them in nonchronological order and not go into too much detail since I just popped a melatonin:
-went to DC and saw my fav cousins of all time
-visited a lot of public school friends
-im done [**** ** ***** ** ******] FINALLY
-got to see the pride parade with some of my tightest pals
-cleaned my room (for the most part)
-splurged on more records
-went shopping with grandma
-started a ritual that I hope will live on called "Craft Day"
There are probably far more things to add to that list, but my pessimistic brain isn't allowing me to access anything else in that category right now.
The amount of drama, even though most of it didn't directly affect me, was absolutely SUFFOCATING. It hurt to see folks so close to me get hurt for stupid fucking, unjust reasons. I'm the only one with the balls to stand up to some of the folks involved, but the fact that it doesn't necessarily include me prevents me from actually making any dents in the situation, that is, unless I completely stopped giving a fuck about boundaries. That won't happen though, i kinda respect people.
I'm so looking forward to Sophomore year, not because it's "Sophomore Year", but because it's just school. God hell its fucking HARD and TIME CONSUMING, but the community is so much better than the nonexistent unconditional no homo love ( that was expected but cannot be found) in some of my outside friend groups. Urban is a whole other DIMENSION in this case and I can't wait until I have actual reason not to talk to some of the people I know.
There's so much more to be said, but it'll leave it at that for now. If any of this offended you, fucking deal with it yourself unless it's something you want to work out with me personally. I'm sick of oversensitive bitches in all senses, so unless you're not here to waste my time and to actually make progress in some form, go the fuck away.
1979 - The Smashing Pumpkins
