Chapter 9

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I get up and shuffle all of my stuff and walk out of the room, not bothering to say anything to all the whispers in the room.

I walk down the halls and enjoy the clicking of my shoes on the floors and the simplicity of the hall design. If only life was that simple. Just a thump, thump, thump to the end, no variations, no surprises. It's really only when you add another set of thump, thump, thumps to the mix that it starts to mess things up.

I get to guidance and I freeze in my tracks. Amy is leaving the lobby as I walk in. She turns and we make eye contact. She gives me a look of compassion, but I have no idea what for.

I steel myself and walk to the guidance office. I tell the secretary my name and she waves me in. I walk down what seems like and infinite hallway to a room colored light blue with a white couch in front of a big brown desk.

I turn into the room and realise there is nobody else in there. I sit on the desk and look around me. There's a Newton's Cradle on the desk next to an old-fashioned lamp. There's a folder in front of the chair with my name on top. It takes most of what's in me not to get up and leave. Luckily the counsellor, Mrs. Williams, walks into the room.

"Sorry, just had to step out for a moment. Let's get down to business, shall we?"

I nod.

"OK, so first things first, you're not in trouble." Normally I would relax at this, but I wasn't nervous to begin with.

"Then why am I here?" I wonder why Amy and Quincy were here, not why I get called down to guidance.

"You probably saw Quincy's mother leaving, am I correct?"

I nod.

"Well, they have brought to my attention that you have started dating a doctor at the hospital, but you had recently started to date Quincy that same day."

"OK. Why did they feel the need to alert you about it?" I'm confused as to why this is a problem. Unless it's seen as a conflict of interest.

"Well, Quincy said that you were the one who initially began the relationship, then ran out when the doctor showed up. Then when you returned, you seemed shaken up and told him that you were then going out with the doctor. And they also said that last night you were at the hospital and you were crying during the pick up and drop off of the date. He and his mom were worried, saying you had seemed to actually like Quincy, and not anyone else. We are concerned that there is something else going on."

I look down. "I know that I'm supposed to know what's OK and what's not ok, but I'm not sure what's happening anymore. I'm supposed to be able to say no sometimes, and to say something when I need to, but I'm not sure if I can. I mean, I know that the doctor is supposed to be the one that helps people, but he said he would hurt him. He said that he would fake it if I didn't say yes." I ramble, not sure what it is that I'm saying, but it's the most I've said in a while, and my brain still won't think straight.

"What did the doctor say he'd do?" She gives me a concerned look.

"He said that he'd hurt Quincy if I didn't go out with him tonight. That he'd... fudge the papers. To make it look like it's... something other than him making him not heal." I look down, embarrassed.

"Why didn't you come forward with this earlier?"

"I just... I didn't want him to not get treated. I was scared of what would happen. It's just... there are all of these stories, of people not believing women... and people getting away with it. I couldn't risk it. I thought that as long as I went along with it, it would be ok. And that Quincy would get better and I could stop faking it, or that I wouldn't have to fake it eventually." I feel as if I should be crying and that I normally would, but I can't manage to form a tear. I'm just so tired.

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