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forty five

this is a yt video sooo, read if you want

"Hey guys it's Paisley, and I'm back with a new video!"

"So since it's 2019 I decided I don't want to have any issues –"

"No Mo" I shouted at the camera adding a panned zoom.

"So i'm gonna start a new series in which I talk to people who i'm no longer friends with, and attempt to rekindle that fiyaaa" I sing.

"Even if we end up not making up, the video will still be posted," I clap, "Now, my first guest, Brad," I say curving one corner of my mouth, widening my eyes and raising my brow.

Brad plops down in the seat beside me, and waves at the camera.

"So how do you feel about our break up?" I question him. "I mean I understand why we broke up, and it was fully my mistake, and there's lots of regret on my end," He answers honestly.

"How do you think I could've prevented it from happening?" He looks at me.

"If we argued less or you didn't depend on alcohol to fix the problem I think everything could've been different," I shrug.

Of course I'm going to be straight forward. The point of this series is to address issues and talk them out, that can't happen if I dont give full information.

"I don't disagree, I shouldn't have made the mistake I made," He sighs. "Was there something I did to make you feel like I wasn't enough?" My voice cracked.

He put his face in his hands, sliding them down his face. "No." He responds, "I was angry with you and myself and I felt like that was the only solution was to make a fucked up mistake."

"Do you feel like we could ever be just friends," I rest my chin in my hand. "Yeah," He smiles. "Okay but enough with my feelings," I began, "How did you feel, you know, as far with the arguing?" I clasp my hands together.

He looks up before responding, "I felt, weird," he continued, "We always had small arguements, what couple doesnt? but that one was huge."

"You were so angry with me and it made me confused, the feeling was foreign," He answered.

"How did you feel when I find out about the events?" I rubbed my arm up and down.

"I never hated myself more than I did in that moment. The look on your face was the trigger to my guilt," He sighs heavily. "When you found out did you believe I felt bad?" He asked with soft eyes.

"No," I said bluntly, "I thought you only felt bad that I found out." He nodded, "Be honest, do you think I would've kept it a secret if you didn't find out?"

I nodded my head slowly in respond, causing him to mutter "Fuck," as he threw his head in his hands.

"I hate myself so much for that because my dad put my mom through the same thing and I hated him for it, but look at me," He laughs harshly.

"I watched my dad sit, surrounded in beer, and sleeping with other women, and when I told my mom, she became the most broken thing I'd ever seen," His voice cracked, and my eyes began to water.

"I told myself I wouldn't put you through that man and l fucking did, I let you down and I let my mom down and when I told her what I did I saw the same look on her face as when I told her about my dad," He babbled.

"I saw it in your face I saw it in her face and I couldn't live with myself Paisley I couldn't, I didn't want sympathy because I didn't deserve it and I'd do anything in the world to take it back, not to be with you but to have our bond back," He sniffed.

I cried and took him in my arms. I've seen Brad so many times in public with red and swollen eyes, and I know they were filled with disappointment.

Of course i'm not gonna take him back, Gilinsky has me whipped, but I see a potential friendship in the future.