01/09/2012
*wake up*
Chocolate cake for breakfast. Just one slice.
Okay, two.
Okay, ten.
GOD I'M SO FAT. *spend three hours weighing myself and staring in the mirror.*
*le afternoon*
I love everyone so much. I just wish I could hug them all and make them feel better when they're sad. And I want to adopt all the homeless animals. And I'm giving all the money in my back account to charity next time I'm in town, I swear. I'm so grateful for everyone.
IF YOU DO NOT STOP LOOKING AT ME I WEAR RIP OFF YOUR FACE WITH MY BARE HANDS AND EAT IT, I SWEAR TO GOD. FUCK.
I HATE EVERYONE.
The only reason I haven't killed everyone I've met so far today is because I don't want to go to jail.
Waaaaahhhhh my cramps. Oh god my poor stomach. I'm in so much pain. Nobody has ever felt agony like this. I wonder if my health insurance covers voluntary hysterectomies. FUCK MY UTURUS. FUCK BEING A WOMAN. GOD I HATE MEN SO MUCH.
I wish I had a boyfriend, I bet he'd cuddle me and make me hot chocolate and bring me DVDs and look after me.
FUCK ALL MEN EVER I SWEAR TO GOD THEY SHOULD GET KICKED IN THE BALLS EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK ONCE A MONTH.
Oh look my dog is here. Come here Jack, I need cuddles. Come cuddle me and make me feel better. I love you. Come HERE, I said. FINE. FUCK YOU TOO. NO TREATS TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER.
I'm sorry. I love you really. Cuddle me. No, you don't get to go over there, stay here with me. Forever. *squeeze*
There's so much injustice in the world. I'm gonna definitely make an effort to become more involved with human rights organisations than just "liking" everything they post on Facebook. It's time to make a difference. Right after this agony stops and I can physically uncurl from the foetus position without breaking my insides.
I'M GOING TO KILL EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD. GOD THIS IS THE WORST FEELNIG EVER.
*time for bed again*
Oh god just let me sleep. Please. Let me sleep through the whole week.
YOU ARE READING
Honest To Blog: My Misadventures
General FictionNot a story, just me ranting and raving really. Not expecting you all to read this or anything, though I can guarantee humour and alarming self-righteousness.
