PURE HEROIN

XXII.

22 | Pure Heroin

Exodus had almost forgot how tiring being on tour was. With its constant long hour flights, cramped spaces on tour busses, rushed last minute practices and limited privacy, things were border line chaotic. Luckily this specific tour was mostly cities in North East Asia so the flights weren't too long between venues.

For any ballet company, large or small, contemporary or classical, touring is a fact of life. One that could be filled with many ups and downs. The first day they had dragged themselves off the plane after the thirteen hour flight to China. Fuzzy-headed from jet lag and often doing grand plíes in airport terminals between flights to keep blood flowing regularly in stiff joints.

After that the tour buss and backstage theaters had become there unofficial homes. Hotel rooms were novelties that dancers didn't often see unless they were staying in a particular night for a few days.

Exodus had spent most of her free time talking to her parents back home or Lolita and Juels on Skype. With the varying time differences it was sometimes difficult to catch up with them. She missed them like crazy and she couldn't wait to see them on the tour's break for Thanksgiving.

Not only battling with homesickness she found herself surrounded by temptation. Backstage rooms between and after shows and been turned into makeshift pharmacies, an opiate paradise. It was the night of their eighth show in the Sing Poai Theatre in Beijing when Exodus realized how delicate the line of willpower and strength really was.

She sat in the front of a vacant vanity leaning her head on her hand trying to fight off her own fatigue. She had to dance again in twenty minutes and she needed something to keep her awake.

"Does someone have red bull in here? Shit even a Monster would do right now."

At least three hands shot out in front of her.

"Nope, but I have Addy."

"Speed."

Exodus glanced down biting her lips and weighing her options. If she took the Adderall she'd be up most of the night and have useless extra energy. But if she took the Speed she'd feel even more tired later. She sighed picking the Speed and adding it to her bottle of water and chugging it down.

Exodus didn't know if it was the druggie part of her brain but taking the Speed didn't seem like much of a big deal to her as it should have been. To her Speed was like or akin to those 5 Hour Energy drinks. It was a one of the least hardcore drugs she'd ever done.

Sliding from the chair she grabbed her pouch walking pass a group of new dancers, who parted to let her out of the side back door. She could see it in their eyes, that sort of admiration. One day the hoped to be her. Exodus however, wasn't sure that her life was something they should strive to have.

But then again, if a role model isn't layered with contradictions - as we all come to be - then what good are they?

Why bother to cut the silhouette of another's existence and place it against our own if it isn't as incongruous, ambiguous, inconsistent, and paradoxical as our own lives are?

The night air was slightly chilly and she felt the goosebumps break out against her exposed skin from her leotard. She noticed two figures casually leaning against the railing. Exodus squinted realizing that it was Mary and Elizabeth. They were two soloist that had came on the dance scene when she had.

She walked over to them hopping on top of the railing closest to Elizabeth. She opened her pouch flipping open her half empty pack of Marlboro's and placing one to dangle from her lips, the other behind her ear.