The Boy With The Broken Heart

3. Confused And Gulity

Ashton’s P.O.V:

“Who the fuck does this prick think he is? He walks into my school thinking that he can beat me at my own fucking game?  I am Ashton Irwin the best footie player this school has ever seen.” I said pacing back and forth in my room. I was so angry with that stupid excuse of a person. He made a fool at of me and embarrassed me in front of all my mates. So I thought that I should teach him a lesson. I can’t help how bad I hurt him but I couldn't control myself. I just hope he wakes up. During practice coach pulled me aside and said that Luke was in the hospital and was in a coma. I hid the fact that I did it and I regret hurting him that bad. I saw the terror in his blue eyes. He was scared, but he didn’t try to stop me. He just let it happen. 

This must not have been the first time it’s happen. God, I feel like the biggest asshole in the world. What if people find out that it was me that i did that to him? Will they ever look at me the same again?I’ll lose my scholarship and my spot on the team and I can’t afford either. This kid could’ve possible ruined my life and that makes me even more pissed. I wanted to throw something, do something to relieve it. I walked over to my desk and threw my lamp on the floor and watch it shatter to pieces.That is my way to release. It was the only way I knew how. I have done it this way my whole life. The first time I did was when my dad left us. He left the only thing good in his life without even telling us.

My brother, Harry, always asked why and I can’t look at him and tell him the truth because not even I know the truth anymore. I don’t know what to do anymore or how to fix what I have done. Do I tell anyone or just keep it a secret until he wakes up and tells everyone what happens. My life is so fucked up right now and this Hemmings kid moving back here made it a hell of a lot worse. 

I sat on my bed and looked at the damage I had done. I had papers all over the floor, shards of glass everywhere. How do I explain this to my mum. Better question, why did I even care about this Hemmings guy? Why was he making me this upset and overflowing my brain with the things I did to him. Why do I feel so guilty? He was asking for it.I gave him what he was asking for right? People shouldn’t tempt me because you never know how it will turn out in the end.  

“Ashton are you home yet?” my mother called.

“Shit I didn’t even get to start cleaning up the disaster I made”  I frantically climb to my feet and started shuffle papers around trying to get my room picked up before my mum walked in. She’ll yell at me and probably kick me out. She said last time was the last time and that she’d throw me out if it happened again. 

I heard footsteps coming from the stairs and I felt my heart drop. Well my life is over and I’m going to kill Luke for heading it. I heard the door knob twist and I gave up until I saw my little brother standing in the doorway. I sighed and a smile was upon my face. “Oh thank god it’s you.” I sat back down on my bed and ran my fingers through my hair. 

“Ashton, mum is going to kill you.” I nodded and he took a seat next to me. “What happened this time?” He asked. 

“Promise me you won’t tell mum or Lauren. Hell anyone.” He nodded and I continued. “I put a kid in the hospital.” I sighed and looked at him and saw a blank expression. Oh god, No!

“I know. Mum got a call from the principal. You were the last one in the room and I mean come on look at your knuckles.” Harry said and my heart burst. Seriously, I want to jump out the damn window and be done with everything. 

“Ashton!” My mum yelled and I cringed at her voice. I was dead meat.

Harry wished me luck and I descended the stairs, going as slow as I possibly could. “Hey, mum. I love your shirt.”

“Save it Ashton. I can’t believe what you did today.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Ash, you beat a kid up and put him in the hospital. You’re lucky finals are next week or else you would’ve been suspended, but that doesn’t mean my punishment will be that easy. You are grounded for a month. No going out or anything. You go to school, go to practice, then come straight home, and when school is out you are not allowed anywhere. You are to stay home, got it?” I nodded and went back upstairs. “I’m taking you to see him tomorrow. You’re lucky he’s alive and awake or you would’ve been in more trouble than you already are.” I sighed and went back upstairs. 

I laid on my bed and thought of why she would do that. I don’t want to see him and I know he doesn’t want to see me. “You’re lying to yourself Ash. You reek of guilt and you know it.” My subconscious said. I do feel guilty as hell right now, but like I said he didn’t tell me to stop. It was like he had been hit before. Fuck I remember now. I saw he had cuts on his arms. Does he? No, he can’t. He’s not like that. Is he? I close my eyes trying to think of something else, but all I see his the fear in his eyes. I remember his face when I beat him. His pink lips were red with his blood, so was his face. His back was bleeding and I don’t know why. I didn’t do anything to his- the hinges. When I pinned against the lockers. His back was against the hinges and when he fell against the wall they must of busted open. 

I look at my knuckles and see that they are bloody, cut open, and bruised. Why did I have to have such a short temper. None of this should’ve happened, but he just kept pissing me off. “You’re lying again. He wasn’t doing anything. You were the one looking at him thinking of what you wanted to do to him.” God, shut up subconscious. He snapped at me first. I was only giving him what he deserved right? Oh shit I might have taken it a little too far now.

I don’t know how I am going to go into that hospital room tomorrow and look at him. If I had my way at all I wouldn’t even be going; but my mum is just trying to look good for….. wait what is his first name??? Whatever back to what I was saying she is just trying to be something I am not. I would never apologize if I didn't think it was my fault. What if his mum is there? She’ll probably call security and have me arrested for assault.

“Ashton can I ask you a question?” Harry asked me

“Sure bud what’s up?” 

“Why did you hurt that boy? Did you even know what you were doing or where you just acting on impulse? When you act on impulse you have no idea what is going on around Ash and you focus on one thing and that’s not good, especially in this type of situation.”

When did my brother start paying attention to my behaviour? Has he always noticed what was going on? Why had he never said anything to me about it?  "Let's just say, I didn't mean to hurt him as bad as I did." I said and rubbed my hand over his head and flatten his hair. He nodded and walked out of my room. Finally peace and quiet. I feel bad for my brother. He doesn't need to see, understand the things I do And why I do them.

I laid down on my bed and looked up at the ceiling trying to think about the day’s actions. I was lying to myself. I was looking up and down his fraile, beautiful body. He was pale and looked lifeless. He was fragile and I broke him. He was already in a Heap of pain and I fucked him up even more. I'm so confused as to why I even care. He was just a cockroach waiting to get stepped on. 

"Stop lying to yourself, ashton! There's a reason why you trashed your room. Its because you just pushed away someone you really care about. Those girls are just a cover up." Fuck, for once my subconscious was right. I use girls to cover up who I am, but hemmings is not gay. He's straight as fucking parallel lines, I mean he's perfect. His dupl blue eyes are mesmerizing , his hair is a beautiful shade of blonde that compliments his face, his is body is better than mine, like he doesn't even have to try, and his lips, god I Tried so hard not to kiss him. And I bet that lip ring could do wonders on somebody. 

Maybe mum has a good reason to take me to see him. God I need to make my apology believeable.

*A/N So this was writing by both us and we wrote it sort of in English and Google docs.*