Abigail

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

                I sleep for maybe two hours Friday night because I have so much on my mind. I ended up walking around the house, restless and paranoid and kept drinking gallons of water in hopes I would weigh more on the scale. I shoved some rocks I had hidden in my dresser in my underwear and hid some coins in my bra. It probably won’t do much, but anything counts.

                When I step on the scale, Nick knows something is off because I get on with my shirt and bracelets still on. He doesn’t say anything and glances down at the dreadful number, writing it down on his paper. “Cutting it close, Abigail.”

                I reassure myself that the number isn’t real and that I’m below it. I messed with the scale, drank gallons of water, and then shoved rocks and coins in my underwear. I can’t possibly weigh this much.

                Nick locks up the scale and leaves for work, so I’m by myself, feeling restless. After everybody leaves, I finally empty my underwear of the heavy objects and check my phone, wanting to call Zach, but knowing he’s probably still asleep.

                Mason comes over as soon as Alex leaves the driveway, which seems kind of stalkerish, but I really don’t care anymore. The only person who can hurt me is me and here I am, worrying about everyone else.

                We sit on the couch and watch Zach’s movies all day, not saying anything. Mason clearly has a lot of work to do because he’s always on his phone and making calls. I don’t care, but I’m curious as to what him and Zach do.

                James comes home around three and Mason leaves without a word. Zach hasn’t called or texted me so I don’t bug him since clearly he’s mad at me for who-knows what. When dinner comes around I’m in such a bad mood, I’m surprised my brothers don’t just turn the other way when they see my expression.

                After all this crap with someone watching me, my weight, my dark, dark mind, Zach being mad, and having to eat dinner; I feel drained. I want to collapse in my bed and never wake up so I don’t have to deal with my problems anymore. Nothing will ever get better and if it does, it’s only temporary.

                “Eat,” Nick snaps, watching me glare at my plate full of vegetables.

                I stab a piece of broccoli, but don’t put it in my mouth, just swirl it around my plate. I should just run upstairs and lock myself in my room, but that will make things worse. “Make me.”

                “Don’t push me, Abigail,” Nick growls, taking a break from his food to watch me. “I’m doing this for your health, not because I like to see you suffer.”

                I roll my eyes, bored with this conversation and wanting my Zach back. Still no calls or texts and I would be worried if I wasn’t so angry at myself for screwing this up. My first boyfriend and I do so many things wrong that I don’t even know what pushed him away. I really need to accidentally fall off a cliff or something.

                I drop my fork on my plate and bring my knees up to my chest, hiding away from my brothers and the screaming I know will come. I can’t handle the thoughts and the calories and Zach and the aftermath of eating right now. I just need a break.

                “We’re not leaving until you eat,” Nick states, crossing his arms as if anything he says will make me eat.

                I shrug my shoulders and put my head on my knees, closing my eyes. “Then I guess we’re sleeping here.”