Get Out Your Damn Umbrellas

Chapter 2

Sunday morning on the ride home to London Phil was a tense bundle of nerves. Four hours of sitting in a half-empty train car did nothing to alleviate the anxiety he'd been feeling since before he left his family's house in Manchester at the crack of dawn. He'd packed his suitcase as quietly as possible to avoid waking the rest of his relatives while his mum stood by the door trying to convince him to catch a later train and stay a little longer.

"I'm sorry, I can't," Phil mumbled apologetically. "Can you tell everyone goodbye for me? I just really need to get home to Dan. I'm going out of my mind with worry."

His mum gave him a knowing look. "That's sweet of you, dear, but surely he's capable of looking after himself. How much trouble could he get into in one weekend on his own?"

"I don't know," Phil said despondently, "but he hasn't answered any of my texts, and I can't help thinking something might be wrong. He was feeling really down on Friday when I left, and I just need to make sure he's okay."

Throwing in the towel, Mrs. Lester stepped in and helped her son pack up the rest of his things. As he was about to close the last zipper, however, she said to him, "It really would have been fine if you'd brought Dan with you."

Phil sighed wearily, "I know that you guys wouldn't mind me bringing him along to family get-togethers and that he'd be accepted here with open arms. It's just," he sat down on the bed and twisted his hands in his lap, "can you imagine how our audience would react if I brought Dan as my plus one to a wedding?"

Mrs. Lester sat down next to him and placed her hand over his. "Maybe it wouldn't hurt to have a little more faith in people."

Those words left Phil speechless. His mum was always right about these things, but part of him wanted to argue that it wasn't that simple. She didn't have a clue how bad it had been four years ago, how much some people honestly hated Dan for trying to cover everything up. To this day Dan couldn't say anything sweet or genuine without people comparing him to their preconceived notion of 2012 Dan as this angry, insecure jerk. From the comments on social media it seemed that everyone was expecting for there to be a coming-out video on the horizon, some big, dramatic story about Dan overcoming internalized homophobia and learning to accept himself. It was a narrative that their audience had clung to for so long that at this point he and Dan weren't sure if anyone would believe it if they told people that the truth was a bit more complicated than that.

When Phil found his voice again, it was somewhat strained. "Even if we decided to tell everyone that we're together, they'll most likely want us to explain what the heck has been going on for the last six and a half years, and we just... don't know how."

"You shouldn't have to explain anything, dear," his mum said calmly. "Perhaps you could just be yourselves and let people think what they want."

Their conversation resonated in Phil's mind for most of the journey back. He wanted to hear Dan's thoughts on the subject, but as the train drew nearer to its destination, he set that idea aside to contemplate on another day. Phil had more pressing matters to deal with, and today was certainly the wrong time to discuss any of this.

It was the fourteenth of February.

The v-word was rarely spoken in the Dan and Phil house. They had an agreement between them to pretend as if it was a normal day like any other. Still, every year Phil went out of his way to remind Dan that he was loved, and after a long, slightly distressing separation, it was probably something they both sorely needed.

Phil caught a taxi outside the train station. It was possible that the cabbie could tell how eager Phil was to get home, because he drove a little over the speed limit, which Phil was actually grateful for. There was a strange feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach, but Phil tried to tell himself that it was simply his overwrought anticipation to see Dan's face again and hear his voice. The feeling grew stronger, however, when he reached the front door and found it unlocked.