Chapter 5

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Letting go of Phil's hand was harder than Dan thought it would be. The second that the other boy left the room, he grasped desperately at the woolen blankets for comfort. It hardly made up for Phil's absence, but Phil couldn't be here while this was happening, while strangers strip-searched his body for evidence of what was done to him.

The entire process took hours. Even though Dan technically had already given verbal consent, the first step involved signing a bunch of consent forms while one of the two nurses in dark teal scrubs explained the procedure to him. There was a faint ringing in his ears, and he couldn't seem to focus on anything that was being said. He simply stared down at the rough abrasions on his left wrist and tried to keep his hand steady as he wrote a shaky signature above each line labeled "rape victim."

Along with various supplies for evidence collection, the nurses had wheeled in a portable exam table padded with beige vinyl cushions. The moment he was asked to stand up, Dan could sense that the morphine was beginning to wear off. Unable to make eye contact, he kept his shoulders hunched and his head bowed low as he rose unsteadily to his feet and crossed the short distance from the bed to the table. The nurses hovered close in case he collapsed, but they didn't lay a hand on him until it was necessary.

Dan sat on the edge of the table as the nurses set to work, starting with what were supposed to be the "least invasive" steps of the examination. Still, everything felt like an invasion, from fingernail scrapings to oral swabs to having the diameter of each of his injuries measured, at least the ones not hidden by his hospital gown. They hadn't asked him to take it off yet. For a while Dan managed to stay still and keep control of breathing, but then he saw one of the nurses bring out something that made him nearly fall off of the table.

The nurse lowered the camera when she saw his reaction. "Mr. Howell?" she said cautiously. "Taking photographic evidence is a standard part of the procedure. No one will have access to these pictures unless they are used for criminal investigation or litigation purposes."

Dan was trembling all over, his eyes tightly closed and his arms wrapped around his stomach.

"You have the option of skipping this step. Also, if at any time you decide you don't want to continue the examination, you can choose to say stop, and it will stop." She waited until Dan's stress levels decreased slightly. "Do you want to continue?"

The words "no" and "please stop" whirled around in Dan's head, making him feel dizzy. Too many times he had screamed those words and had been ignored. All Dan could do was shakily nod his head, his eyes still closed.

Dan heard clicking sounds and saw bright flashes from behind his eyelids as pictures were taken of the marks and bruises on his legs, arms, face, and neck. A gloved hand tugged the thin material of the hospital gown away from his shoulders and exposed his heavily scarred back. Then after a few more clicks, he was asked to stand up again, and Dan knew what was going to happen next. They needed to remove the hospital gown completely in order to photograph the rest of his injuries. Shame weighed heavily in the pit of his stomach, but he complied. Something in the back of his mind told him that it was too dangerous not to.

He stood still as the only thing covering his body was slowly pulled off of him, but before the next few clicks, both of his arms moved instinctively to hide his stomach again. Several more photos were taken from the back. Then when the nurse walked around to face him, she said quietly, "Sir, I'll need you to keep both arms at your sides. Do you think you could do that for me?"

When Dan finally lowered his arms, the nurse nearly dropped the camera. A loud smack resonated from the other nurse slapping a hand over her mouth in shock. Unbidden tears welled up in Dan's eyes, but he bit his lip and stared down at his feet.

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