Cam Boy

Chapter 5

There wasn't a time where Jonathan didn't search on the web for his face. He kept reading comments and he studied them. He remembered who said them and how many times they said it.
It wasn't social anxiety, it wasn't because he was ugly. Nothing made him want to show his face. He did not long for fame, he did not care one bit.
It's not like Jonathan has ever killed anyone but he has done other things. For him it's easier to just be hidden.
Flying out to Los Angeles was not a smart idea. He bought the ticket, he might as well go. Luke and his girlfriend were going but Jonathan- at the last moment, did not want that. Tired and rugged from the flight, Jonathan was being very complicated. He wanted to change so many things last minute, the eager couple wanted to just leave him at the airport.

The roof where you can get to by climbing the yellow ladder and watch the pink sunset as the wire lines dangle from an electricity box is where Evan sat at. Empty hennessy bottles and half smoked cigarettes scattered along the dull gray cement.

Evan closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, inhaling the smog induced air, exhaling the carbon dioxide that felt cold to his runny nose. He sniffed, wiping himself on the sleeve of his dark green sweater. His thoughts collided with his worries. A thin line between confirmation and want ate Evan up inside, ruining his mood and giving him a tear-jerking headache.

His phone rang interrupting the chaotic silence he was enduring. He answered quickly without looking at the contact name. "Hello?"

"Vanoss, I need you." A small ache in his stomach developed an acidic pit that bit off pieces of his organs. Evan shook his body as if he was shaking off the angel and the demon that resided on his broad shoulders.

"I can't. I just can't talk to you like this anymore." Evan's voice was small like a troubled child getting caught lying. Evan believed that Jonathan could hear his heartbeat. The younger man was gravely convinced that his good friend had that power.

Jonathan shivered, "I'm so cold. I need you to keep me warm. If you were inside me, I'd be a lot warmer." He was out of breath, gasping like he needed air.

"Fucking stop this. You're my friend. I will block you, I will do whatever I can." Evan could smell cigarette smoke and see the lights of nearby apartments turn on as it went dark. Jonathan groaned, his throat scratched and he huffed.

"Then I won't come and see you. I won't play with you. I won't speak to you." Jonathan hesitated to speak, another word and Evan won't say anything else for a long time.

"Jon. I am begging you." Evan gripped onto the phone tighter. Waiting for his erratic friend's response caused a coiled ball of barbed wire and distress. "Jon?" Evan stood up, looking over the roof and down to the lit street of cars and wild people.

"When you see me. You'll forgive me." Jonathan hung up, the white screen went to Evan's usual lockscreen. A picture of Sydney by the pool. Evan smiled, weak but he smiled. A smile means happiness, although he isn't happy right now, in that moment he took that picture he was. So he deserves to smile, he deserves bliss. It's not his girlfriends fault.

It is Evan's fault. Evan likes to touch himself to the sound of his older friend moaning and he likes to watch his older friend have sex and please himself. This, this right here is killing Evan's girlfriend.

Evan however, does not care.