police

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i wanted to call my dad. he lived about 6 states away from me and i hadn't seen him for a year at that time(it's 3 now in july). i was outside with sydney and he didn't answer. chloe then took me to guidance and i told them everything. my dad called me back and i told him what happened. the first thing he said was "well, what were you wearing?". that was something that hurt me a lot. my dad asking me what i was wearing after i confided in him with this. the counselor called my mom and my mom couldn't believe what she was hearing. a few days before that, she fell down the stairs and had hurt her ankle really bad. she and my grandpa came to pick me up and i told my story to a police officer. she was very sorry for me and i think something had happened to her too because she was so caring and understanding about it. my mom cried and my grandpa waited in the car. he didn't know what had happened. i was then taken to the hospital to have a rape kit done and STD testing. both came back negative. i had waited 5 days to tell anybody and that's what hurt the case. i went to the police station and gave my statement. the woman officer who took my statement was very passive aggressive towards me, probably because she knew either ross or his dad, or both. i forgot to write down the part where he gave me oral, and she yelled at me. she told me that she specializes in rape and that all of the people she's talked to have either remembered everything or nothing. "But in states of high stress, fear or terror like combat and sexual assault, the prefrontal cortex is impaired – sometimes even effectively shut down – by a surge of stress chemicals. Most of us have probably had the experience of being suddenly confronted by an emergency, one that demands some kind of clear thinking, and finding that precisely when we need our brain to work at its best, it seems to become bogged down and unresponsive. When the executive center of the our brain goes offline, we are less able to willfully control what we pay attention to, less able to make sense of what we are experiencing, and therefore less able to recall our experience in an orderly way." (https://www.google.com/amp/amp.timeinc.net/time/3625414/rape-trauma-brain-memory). ross's dad is a police officer and ross has a lot of money. i think that is why she acted that way towards me. she told me that she thinks i am lying, but not out of "malicious intent", her words exactly, but because i'm scared. yes, i am scared of what happened to me, the man who did it to me, and explaining it to a stranger. but i'm not lying. after the case was made, it was determined that because there was no evidence, it would be my word against his in court, so it wasn't worth it. he is living his free life now.

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