The Broken Can Love Again

chapter 14

Not edited

The song above goes so well w this chapter. Yall r gonna hate me in this chapter but ya lol enjoy

Nico's point of view

Our lips moved in perfect sync. Like it was meant to be. I had never kissed someone so passionately like this before. I have had many kisses before but none of them compare to this one. This kiss wasnt just passionate but meaningful, happy, adventurous, and lustful. It was a combination of every type of kiss. It was better than all the kisses I've ever had before. Nothing could compare to this.

Her hands were going through my hair and around my neck and back. My hands were tangled in her hair trying to pull her closer. My hand touched the hem of her shirt and roamed a bit around her back. It's like both of us have been waiting for this for a really long time. I felt like I couldn't get enough of her. I could never get enough of her.

I've wanted to kiss her for a long time, but I stopped myself every time because I didn't want to do it too soon. I didn't want to scare her off. This time I couldn't help myself. I didn't hold back at all this time. I wanted her so bad, I needed her.

But she doesn't deserve me. She needs someone who will always be there for her, comfort her, do things for her, she needs a guy who will buy her chocolates, be there for her whenever, a guy who has never cheat, a guy who doesn't have his own problems because she has enough of her own. She needs someone who isn't me.

I can't tell her all this right now though because she just opened up to me. She would think I was a monster that just used her. And I would never use her or atleast never want to use her.

I'll just wait a few days and try to distance myself a bit until she gets the hint. I just hope she doesn't think I don't like her or that I used her because that is a total lie. I'm just trying to do what's best for her.

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I wake up and smell pancakes. I love pancakes, I could literally eat them whenever. I walk downstairs and see Maya is making pancakes for the whole family.

"Goodmorning I made u pancakes." Maya tells me.

"Thanks you didn't have to I could've made my own breakfast." I say.

"I wanted to."

I just shrug and eat my pancakes. I have to say, these are really good, probably the best I've ever had. Which really sucks. Why did she have to do something so nice for me? Now it's gonna be a lot harder to break her heart.

I finish my pancakes and put my dishes away. I start walking upstairs when I hear Maya call my name. Ugh I can't face up to her right now but I have to so I turn back around and ask her what she needs. 

"I was thinking we could go for a walk in the park today. It's really nice outside and it would be fun. It could be like a date maybe." Maya says.

Nooo why. I can't go on a date with her. Then she'll think I like her. I mean I do like her but I have to make her think I don't like her. Why is this so hard?

"Hellooo Nico you didn't respond."

"Uh.. um.. I- I can't go. I have um... football practice."

"On a sunday?"

"Ya gotta practice practice practice for the game this week." 

"Oh ok. We can go another time."

"Ya sorry." I say and run upstairs.

The hurt on her face when I said I couldn't go tore me. She looked so sad and her eyes that were so joyful this morning were now sad. I feel so bad for making her feel this way but it's for the better. I just have to keep telling myself that she needs someone better than me. She deserves someone better then me. I can't give her what she needs.

I know it's tearing us both apart but I just can't.

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The past few days Maya has been asking me to go places with her or do something with her but I keep turning her down, making up some excuse like my friends fish died.

Today when I walk past her room she asks me if I wanna go for a hike and like always I make up an excuse.
"I have a bunch of homework I need to finish."

"You always have homework or something to do. You never want to hang out with me. After that day we kissed you've been ignoring me and I don't know what I did wrong. Am I a bad kisser or something? Did I scare you away with my past? Just please tell me what I did so I can fix it." She was crying now making me hate myself more than I already did. I hate how I'm making her feel.

"You didn't do anything wrong. Your a wonderful kisser and you didn't scare me away. If anything you made me want to be with you more." I say while I grab onto her shoulders.

"What do you mean you want to be with me more? You never want to hang out with me. And if there's nothing wrong with me why don't you want to be with me?"

I let out a sigh and sit next to her on the bed. "I want to be with you but I can't be with you. You deserve better. You deserve someone who can always protect you and give you all the attention and affection you need."

"And you can't give me that?"

"No."

"Why?"

"It's complicated. Just know it's not you it's me."

"Bullshit everyone says that and it's always a lie."

"I know it sounds really cliche but it's true. I just want what's best for you."

"If you knew what was best for me you wouldn't be doing this right now."

I don't say anything because I don't think there is anything else I can say to make her believe me.

"Get out."

"What?" I ask.

"You heard me get out. I don't want to see your face."

"Look Maya I'm sor- "

"GET OUT!" she cuts me off.

I walk towards the door and mumble a quiet sorry before I walk out. I can hear her crying and all I want to do is comfort her and make her happy but I know I can't.

I told myself I would never hurt her. I would beat up anyone who made her feel this way. It's hard to beat yourself up.