12-08-80

.7.

"Well, it's over now." I swallowed.

John nodded. I continued to make the oatmeal. John sat down at the table and signed the front page of the notebook. I took the notebook in my hand and carried it to my room where I locked it up in a drawer. When I returned to the kitchen the Oatmeal was ready. I served it out to John and myself.

We ate in silence.

"I can't believe he read that and is still not into you." John said almost angrily. "If I was in your shoes I would definitely choose you!"

I couldn't help but blush. "Thank you John. But like I said, I wrote that years ago." My feelings had changed for him since I had written that story and I wished I had never documented that stupid thing!

"Well I don't know, but I remember how Yoko and I were. And honestly that's exactly how I felt about Yoko. Up until the day I died." John sighed.

I thought a minute on what he said. "Until you died. Did you ever stop?" I asked.

"Well, I did still love her but I'm not too sure anymore. I always have a feeling that she's to blame for all this. Something felt very off." John sighed. "I don't understand it myself, but I do feel betrayed."

John spilled his conspiracy theory to me. I felt very privileged. John was letting me into his deepest thoughts.

"I never really liked Yoko." I spilled.

"Yeah," John laughed. "I have a feeling you aren't alone."

"Yeah. I'm sorry John, but most everyone who is a Beatles fan is not a fan of Yoko." I chuckled.

"I understand why you guys wouldn't like her." John said.

"I respect her. But I'm not a fan. If somebody makes a joke about her: I'm gonna laugh!" I joked.

John smiled at me.

"You know you're something special when you smile." John said.

I blushed. "You're using song lyrics as pick up lines?" I chuckled.

"Well it's true!" John said seriously. "Your very beautiful, Julian. Wow I never thought I'd say that!" John laughed.

I giggled as well. I noticed just how great John looked when his eyes crinkled up and his white teeth shown in the morning sunlight.

He noticed that I was watching him. "I know I'm good looking but would you please refrain from staring?"

"I refuse!" I chuckled and made it obvious that I was starring at him.

"You're really great, kid! You really are!" John put his hand on mine.

A rush filled me from head to toe and suddenly I felt guilty. I frowned and pulled my hand from under his.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I just feel uncomfortable with you holding my hand." I chuckled.

"That's okay, love." John winked.

"Sorry."

"No your fine. It's on me. I shouldn't have." John apologized.

I shook my head in resolve. "No don't apologize. I'm over it."

I grabbed his hand and folded my fingers into his. I pushed away the guilt and enjoyed it.

Two thoughts occurred to me. The first was that we had known each other only a few days and we already were holding hands. From my perspective, I had known him all my life. I know him even better than I know myself.

"Don't you feel like I'm a stranger? How are you comfortable enough to hold hands with me?" I asked.

"Well that's one of my superpowers." John laughed. "As a spirit I can look at you and know everything I want to know. I don't see you as a stranger. I knew you as well as I know myself." John explained.

"Oh! Ok well, that's....interesting."

The second thought that occurred to me was that when he touched my hand, that was the first time we had ever touched. The night before I had almost given him a hug but he had evaded me. I tightened my grip on his hand and started back on my oatmeal.