Wild Side || N.S.

★ twenty three ★

     It was the second week of the tour and I was loving every minute of it. Well, almost. 

Infamous was getting a hell of a lot of recognition lately. I couldn't believe how many people were coming earlier to the shows now to see us play. I almost wanted to cry at the thought. I was living my dream, and the support I was getting was overwhelming. The only thing that sucked about it was that I didn't really have anyone to share the feeling with. I mean yeah, I have my band but that's about it. 

Tonight we played our "homecoming" show back in LA and it was amazing. Tony, Jason, and Steve had their family members and friends come out to the show. While I was really happy for them, part of me was upset. I had no one. While the boys were catching up with their loved ones, I made a b-line for the side exit to go have a smoke outside in peace. 

But if there's one thing I've learned on my short time on tour, peace is something that doesn't last around here. 

"I was wondering if I'd find you out here kid" I heard him slur. 

"I'm not in the mood, Sixx." I sighed, exhaling the smoke. 

"I don't remember asking if you were babe," he replied as he took a seat next to me. "you didn't invite anyone tonight?" he asked. 

"You don't miss a thing" my voice was laced with sarcasm. 

"Can you just talk to me normally for once? Like with no defense mechanisms involved?" Nikki's voice raised slightly, startling me a bit. 

"Why? It's not like you'll remember this conversation anyway." I sighed, not even trying to hide my feelings anymore. 

"I know it may seem that way but I do the best I can. Look" he pulled a small notebook out of his jacket and I opened it. I skimmed through the pages and it took me longer than I would like to admit until I realized that it was full of quotes. Quotes of things I have said to him. I felt my vision becoming blurry and I realized that I had tears in my eyes. 

"Are you crying?" he asked softly. 

I threw his notebook back at him. "Why the fuck do you do this?!" I shouted, standing up from the ground, throwing my cigarette down. 

"Like what? Ria I-" 

"No FUCK YOU Nikki! I don't get you at all. Stay away from me and stay the fuck out of my head!" I yelled in his face and the look in his eyes broke my heart. But I had to do this. He was no good for me and we both knew it. 

"Ria I know I'm an asshole but I'm always gonna be here for you. You need someone there for you and it's always gonna be me okay? Like shit babe can't you see how much you fucking mean to me?!" he shouted back. 

"No I don't Nikki and you know why? Cause the people you "care" about, you treat like absolute shit! And yeah I may be a bitch but I don't deserve this torture and I can't believe it has taken me this long to realize that!" I snarled as I pushed past him. 

Nikki spun me around and had me pressed up against the brick wall in seconds. The two of us were staring into each other's eyes. He was seething and attempting to restrain himself. I was staring up at him in defiance. 

"I fucking care about you Maria. I'm not even sure why at this point because you're such a bitch to me and yet here I am. Not Slash. Not Axl. No, it's me. It will always be me and you know exactly why." Nikki's voice was so calm at this point, it was scaring me. 

"You only want to be around me when it's a convenience to you, Nikki. I'm a person. Not just something to pass the time." I whimpered out. 

He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "That's the thing baby, I know that. You are the greatest person I have ever met and it fucking terrifies me the way I feel when I'm with you. You make me want to be better. Something I'm not. Something I never can be. I'm selfish but you already know that. I spend so much time with you because I feel like I'm a better person when I'm with you." 

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" my voice was barely above a whisper. 

"No and I don't blame you. But it is the truth," he leaned in kissing me softly. So softly, it didn't seem real. "now I can't believe I'm saying this but let's go back inside. You can go back to your boyfriend and I can go back to being that prick you can't stand." 

I shook my head at his words. "I wish you could be this Nikki more often. I like it when you actually decide to be yourself." I spoke, looking back up at him. 

"Maybe one day this Nikki will stick around longer. Right now though, Sikki needs to take over." he shrugged, leading me back into the arena to go find the boys.

Sikki? I didn't like the sound of that.

. . .

A/N: YOU GUYS I HAVE WATCHED THE DIRT FOUR TIMES ALREADY, HOLY SHIT.

I won't lie, I was a little disappointed at some events they left out of the movie but then again they tried to cram everything into a two hour movie so you can't have TOO high of expectations, know what I'm saying? 

Have you guys watched The Dirt yet? How do you think it compares to the book?? 

Also s/o to Douglas Booth who played Nikki Sixx cause the dude fuckin' killed it! I've only ever seen him in "LOL", which was a movie with Miley Cyrus from like forever ago & I'm pretty sure he was in Wizards of Waverly Place too..? So WOW, what a contrast.  

So anyway, how was this chapter for you? Too real? I'm trying to show more of Nikki's vulnerable side and pray for me y'all cause writing like this makes me wanna cry. 

Lemme know your thoughts and don't forget to vote. Thanks babe <3 ~