The Life of Mallory Winston [A Billie Joe Armstrong's Daughter Fanfic]

Chapter 8: Routine

"My heart is beating from me, I'm standi-fuck! " I swear as I miss the chord again.

"It's okay, kid. You'll get it eventually. " Billie Joe responds with an encouraging smile. "Try just the first part again."

We've been doing guitar lessons after school for about 3 weeks now, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and sometimes on the weekends. I've already learned how to read music pretty decently, and Billie is currently teaching me to play Homecoming, since it is one of my favorite songs. I'm genuinely enjoying all of the time we are spending together. He's been extremely supportive and patient with me, which is good since I've been working on the first verse for the past week.

While things may be going well with Billie, things with Joey...not so much. We had our first actual fight the other day, and it wasn't good. He wanted me to hang and watch a movie, but it was at the time of lessons, so I had to decline and suggested we do it afterwords. He got so fucking pissed off at me and told me to forget about it. I felt horrible, but I made a commitment to these lessons with Billie Joe. We haven't really talked about the fight yet, but we're talking, so hopefully things will get better soon.

I've realized lately that my life has kinda fallen into a routine. I don't know how good of a routine, but a routine nonetheless.

I go to school, have rehersal, lessons, go home, and cut. I've been cutting daily for almost 4 weeks now, and I keep worrying my mom or dad will notice, but somehow, they're totally obvlisous, but I'll take the oblivion.

Billie's offer to talk to him still lingers in my mind, but even though I'm cutting, I'm doing okay. I don't want to make him worry, so I haven't talked to him.

It's not really his place worry anyway.

Overall, life has been good lately, routine, and I'm enjoying most every moment of it.

TIME SKIP TO TWO WEEKS LATER

"Home...we're coming home again... Nobody likes you, everyone left you, they're all out without you, having fun!" I finish the song with an unattractive squeal of joy, but I don't care.

I did it!

I fucking did it!

Billie applauds, pulling me into a hug and messing up my hair.

"You did it Mal! You finally played and sang all of Homecoming! I'm seriously fucking proud of you!" He has a huge grin on his face, and is clearly excited that his teaching is paying off. I have a massive grin as well, I've been working on this song for two straight weeks, so I can't believe I finally did it!

"Well, I couldn't have done it if I didn't have the best teacher ever!" I say, flashing him a smile. He opens his mouth to respond, but gets cut off as the door swings open.

We both look to see Joey standing in the doorframe. Bille Joe greets him as I stand up to do the same, but he just walks away. We had another arguement last night, just over something so small and stupid, I don't even remember what it was. I sigh and look back at Billie, brushing of Joey. If he wants to be a dick, that's his problem.

"Well, I probably should get going Billie. I've got a lot of homework to get done tonight."

"Alright, kid. Well, I'll see ya on Wednesday. We'll get to start something new since you kicked Homecoming's ass today!" He responds warmly, and I giggle.

I give him a quick hug goodbye and he walks me out to the door, waving as the car pulls away.

TIME SKIP TO WEDNSDAY AFTER SCHOOL

I walk in the door completely and utterly exhausted. It was such a long day at school, and I was glad we didn't have rehersal so I had a bit of time to relax before I was going to meet Billie.

Letting out an obnoxious sigh, I collapse on the couch, completly and utterly beat. I suddenly spot a note sitting on the end table:

We're going out shopping for a bit with all the rest of the kids, we figured you could use the time to work on some homework. We'll be back in a few hours.

Love,
Mom and Dad

Goddammit...

How am I gonna get to lessons?

I rack my brain, slightly massaging my temples to ease the headache I'm feeling coming on.

I guess Billie could come and pick me up in about an hour...

I don't think he'd mind....

That seems like the most logical plan, so go get something to eat when my stomach vocalizes that I need food.

I'll call him after I eat.

I cook a can of Spaghetti-O's and sit in silence, alone with my thoughts.

Suddenly, an immense wave of saddness rushes through my entire body, physically dropping me to my knees. I start crying for no reason, having never felt this much emotional pain at one time. Although I suppose it was bound to happen, I keep pushing and pushing my feelings down, trying to make myself appear happy. This, however, is unlike anything I've felt before. It's so overwhelming, I can't take it!

Fucking shit!

I continue to sob, but suddenly get an idea. I stand up in a daze and go to my backpack, pulling out a thin blade. I roll my sleeves up and see my already cut and scarred wrists, and hesitate.

Do I really want to do this?

However, the doubt only last a second or two as I feel myself contiuning to sob and breakdown.

I'll do anything to stop this pain.

And I swipe it across my arms frantically, over and over and over, crying until all I see is a colorful blur and I feel dizzy and lightheaded, like I might pass out.

I drop the blade next to me, unable to hold it; my fingers feeling numb. I just lie there on the floor for a few minutes, bleeding and hurting. But the saddness is gone, replaced with guilt and shame.

We can fix that too...

I don't hesitate, and reach for the blade again, but something stops me dead in my tracks.

I hear a sudden loud noise.

Someone's knocking on the front door.

"Shit..."