The girl from the other side of the internet (gxg)

Chapter three

Meanwhile Hayden woke up as well. But alone in her bed. And alone in her flat.
She sighed. Another day as single to go. Another day... without Sloane to go... Her heart clenched at that thought. She missed Sloane a lot. Even after those four years. Four such long years without her... she thought about Sloane every day and every time she did and realized how she was not going to come back, she felt like a tiny part in her died.
She ran her hand through her hair only to find she should take a shower. Feeling heavy from her sleepiness she slowly crawled out of bed and stumbled through her small bedroom. After almost hitting the wardrobe and being very close to falling over all the clothes she had left on the floor she finally made it out of her room alive. She stood in her living room. The light was still dull. It was only 8 am. Why the hell was she even awake? There wasn't even much sun light yet. She surely should go back to sleep.
Frowning Hayden was already about to turn around when she remembered exactly why she had set her alarm to 8 am and why she was awake. It was Monday and university was about to start up again.
"Stupid university", she mumbled, "fuck you and your inhuman times." Rolling her eyes she accepted that she could not miss the lessons today and eventually found her way into the bathroom.
She turned on the light, grabbed her toothbrush and -paste, took off her clothes and stepped into the shower.
Her eyes were still heavy and she knew a hot shower was not going to make that any better but she just wasn't one for cold showers. Sadly. Nor was she one for showers in the evening. That would be so much easier though, she thought as she turned on the warm water and finally let it run down her body, but showers in the evening always hold the risk of greasy hair in the morning or early afternoon and that's even more annoying. Hayden enjoyed the feeling. The water was warm, maybe even a bit hot. It was clear and soft. And the only thing capable of washing her fears and nightmares away.
While Vera loved sleeping, Hayden hated it to no end. Almost every night she would wake up sweaty and scared.
She had nightmares. Bad nightmares. Nightmares of people killing her family. Nightmares of losing Sloane to death. Nightmares of ending up all alone with no one loving her. She feared if life went on like this, she would be hated by everyone she ever loved. She would never feel the love Sloane had had for her ever again. And eventually she would die in a dark dark room somewhere at the end of the world because no one wanted her anywhere near them and they would've kicked her out of every city she would've tried to live in. Because she was just such a hateable person, she thought.
She couldn't even put a finger on what exactly made her so hateable but to herself she was. Those fears and nightmares might've come with the loss of her loved Sloane.
Hayden sighed again. She relaxed a bit and tried to focus on the heat.

Speaking of heat I must say that is a feeling I definitely do not miss. I was always a winter person. I loved the snow, the ice, the cold.
Might be that that was something my family had hated about me. I was unlike them.
While they were selfish and demanded selflessness I had always tried to care for the ones I loved. Just those people were not my family members – except for my sister. If there was one person I had loved on this word, and even in death still do, it was my sister. More than my girlf- ... ex-girlfriend even.
However to our parents it must've seemed as if I were just as selfish as them but they wanted me to be selfless. So they could stay selfish I suppose. I don't know, I still don't understand how one can think the way they do.

I don't even know what I was trying to say...
I think the point is I WAS unlike my parents in many points – not only the weather – and even though they would not see some of these points they would see the others. They would see me not being straight and me avoiding them etc.
So eventually we had ended up having no good relationship with each other. My sister always had gotten along with them better. Of course she did. She was the perfect princess to them. Straight As. Straight hair. Straight sexuality.

Fools.