Emily Bennet fluffed her ginormous dress ten times. It was a lovely purple gown, decked from top to bottom with white lace. Her hair was almost a foot in the air, each braid inlaid with pearls. Her face was an ivory complexion, her perfume sweetly scenting the air.
"I look terrible," sighed Emily to herself, two women ten times more beautiful laughing at her.
"Oh, don't be such a spoil sport," said her friend, Carlotta Forunato Lala Bella, "You look beautiful."
"So beautiful," interrupts a old uncle or family friend, "That I think I should introduce you to this man over here."
"That clean, bright eyed successful man over there?" asked Emily.
"No, darling, that dark skinned, muscular man. His name is Mr. TotallyNotaRake," he said.
As he spoke, the crowd split in half, leading a path to a dark, brooding man leaning on a wall and drinking out of a golden goblet.
A dozen women fainted as he smiled at them.
Mr. TotalyNotaRake saunters over to Emily, smirking all the while.
"Hello. Want to be the mother of sixteen children, all mine?" he asks.
"I'd rather be an independent woman," said Emily, "Sorry."
"What's that?" asked the totally befuddled.
"I'm not sure, since literally in my time period, it was totally foreign and likely a conservative person such as myself has hardly seen anything of the movement or thinks it wicked, but that doesn't matter!" she said, flipping her head.
Another dozen women fainted at such liberal speaking.
Mr. TotalyNotaRake snorted. As he did so, the air inside of his nostrils somehow propelled his face out of control and his breath touched Emily's skin.
Every woman in the country fainted.
Emily and Mr. TotalyNotaRake were forced to marry immediately.
"I'll never love you!" shrieked our independent female protagonist, "You are pusillanimous! You are acrimonious! You are-"
"Stop making our readers have to read dictionaries with your outrageous vocabulary!" shouted Mr. TotalyNotaRake, "Now leave me alone to brood in sorrow."
"Oh, now my married life is so boring, since all I do is get judged by my new high society, ignored by my husband, and flirted at by the gardener," Emily said.
*Fifty chapters later, which include lots of sword fights and kidnappings*
"I'm sorry I didn't love you," said Mr. TotalyNotaRake.
"And I'm sorry I didn't love you, even though you broke my every moral principle," said Emily, "And supposedly cared so much about the social standing I am against that I married you."
"You have magically made me pure," said Mr. ToatalyNotaRake, "So much so, that I am changing my name to Mr. PureHeart."
And they lived happily ever after.
The End.
Future Offspring- Mommy, how did you and daddy meet?
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