My life was awful for no good reason. Everyone hates me, my parents, my sister who is always named Vanessa, my friends, my boyfriend, my pet dog, and most likely my audience.
Why? Because.
Anyway, I'm just sitting on my couch one day eating chocolate when my whole hateful family comes in the room with two mysterious rich looking people.
"Scumbag," says Dad, "You're getting married."
I choke on my chocolate for almost an hour, my audience patiently waiting for me to finish.
"I can't get married, Dad!" I said, "I'm only nineteen!"
"It doesn't matter," says the mysteriously rich lady, "Because when you were drugged with the cream pie I sent you last month I made you sign a paper saying you would marry my emotionally and probably physically abusive son."
"WHY?" I scream.
"Because," she said.
"Good thing basic human rights apparently don't exist wherever this story is taking place!" said my Dad.
A man bursts through the door as my cruel father cruelly finishes his cruel sentence. He walks up to me, sauntering in his lovely suit, his toe muscles making me melt.
"My name is Cheese Fettachini," he whispers huskily, "Ready to prepare for our wedding?"
So he grabs my wrist, dragging me out of the room as my family throws a party that they'll never have to see me again, and takes me to buy everything that normally takes a month to prepare in one afternoon, all while talking to me either in distant grunts or super breathy tones, sometimes both at the same time.
At the wedding, I don't say my lines right, then fall in the cake. As I stand up, I see this handsome but not as handsome as my new husband looking man. We smile for five seconds at each other.
My husband then proceeds to have that man taken away by his armed body guards to be beaten to a pulp. Because again, basic human rights don't exist in these stories.
Then, Mr. Fettachini proceeds to treat me like a used hankie for the next thirty chapters because he doesn't ACTUALLY love me. He really loves an old childhood friend. But thankfully, he stops acting like a major jerk because he falls in love with my stupidity, unlike my abusive family who came over at least once a month to slap me and steal some of my jewelry. He also buys me lots of stuff, which we all know is how you can really tell if someone loves you.
I need to stop letting them over.
Thankfully one day he just magically ruins their stocks in some unexplained reason. I know it's true love then when he ruins my parents lives.
I even start calling him by his proper first name of Cheese as we watch our favorite movie and snuggle together at the end of the book.
"Mommy, how did you and daddy meet?" asks my future offspring.
A/N: I really read two billionaire stories back to back with both sisters named Vanessa. Coincidence? I think not! Dun dun dun!
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