Fallen

Chapter Forty

His body was in the pit of the hospital. The person who once smiled at me, who encouraged me, who always brightened my day was now in a cold, unforgiving, cement room.

"Murphy traveled back to York after crashing on the plane."

"He only arrived a week ago."

"Your father went to confront him after an attack."

"He was shot in the chest."

"We took him to surgery."

Dad's face was grey and lifeless on the table.

"He died two days ago."

My arms wrapped my chest. The room was cold.

Cold and lifeless.

"Mel?" I looked up to Doctor Hunt. "There was nothing that could have been done."

"No," I shook my head. "I wanted to see him. To know it was true."

"I am sorry. I know this is difficult," Welch said beside me, "Grieve then we will begin to make preparations."

I nodded.

The room seemed to grow colder. It seemed to be falling in on itself. I was staring at Dad but not really seeing him.

"Why don't I take you home," Cedar said on the other side of me.

I nodded. A lump formed in my chest. Three men exchanged glances before Doctor Hunt but the white sheet over my father's face.

Hands guided me upstairs and to the car. There was talking, laughter even, but I ignored all of it.

It could have been a fast drive to the apartments or a slow drive. I didn't know. I only knew Cedar took me to the apartment and unlocked the door.

"Thank you. I want to be alone right now." Cedar backed away from the door. "I will have someone come check on you."

I nodded. When we arrived Alec and Audrey got swept away to hospital rooms. Ben was forced to give an update to his father. They all wanted to stay with me. It wouldn't have mattered anyway.

I closed the door behind me and leaned into it with my eyes closed.

Breathe...

Inhale...

Exhale...

My chest was so tight that it almost hurt.

I opened my eyes and took a step into the apartment. It was like how I left it those weeks ago. The kitchen sink was a sea of coffee cups.

And the boxes. Full boxes of things still needing to be unpacked lined the walls and sat on the sofa. The boxes Dad said we needed to unpack when I got back.

Dad. He was dead.

My breath quickened. It was becoming difficult to breathe. And it hurt. My chest ached. The walls of the apartment were closing in on me, suffocating me. I couldn't breathe. It was like if I was underwater and the harder I kicked to get to the surface. The further away it was.

The strength I had was gone. I fell to my knees in the center of the room. Tears blurred my vision. The cry caught in my throat, sounding like a hurt animal than a person.

I tried to gulp for air, but I couldn't.

I couldn't.

"Mel." Hands rubbed at my back in soothing strokes. An arm grabbed the front of me, pulling me toward his chest.

"I'm here," Ben whispered. He was there. Right there, holding me as I cried. But he felt so far away. I grabbed at his arm, he would center me. He would keep my head above the water.

There we sat, in the center of the half-unpacked apartment.

We did not move for a long time. When my tears had dried up, my throat ached from the crying and screaming, I leaned my head against Ben's shoulder. The whole time, Ben rubbed my back and held me.

"How could this have happened?" I whispered. "I talked to him only days ago."

Four days ago. That's how long ago it was.

I sat up.

That was why he had labored breathing. That was why he sounded tired. Right?

He didn't tell me he was dying.

I love you Melissa.

Then I was asleep for three days. On the third day, I snuck back into Settlement. I spoke to Ben about Dad. He had said that he was fine. But Dad would have died a day before he called.

"They didn't tell me he was dying."

"I know," Ben said.

"Why?"

"They didn't want you to worry. Not when we had a mission. I thought it was best."

I pushed myself away from Ben. "Mel?"

I glared at him. "You thought it was best?" My eyebrows rose high. "You knew?"

"I will be honest, yes I knew. But they didn't do much. They told me he was injured, not dying."

He reached for me but pushed myself away. "You knew." He had talked to called back to York. He talked to someone the day before I snuck into the Settlement.

That night. I slept with him that night. He slept with me when he knew.

"You knew. You knew he was dying! That night you knew he was dying and instead of telling me you slept with me."

"I told you," Ben said calmly, "They didn't tell me how bad off he was. If they had, I would never have done that."

I stood. "Get out." I pointed to the door.

"Mel," Ben stood too. He reached for me but I pushed myself away from him.

The walls were closing in on me again. I couldn't breathe.

I needed away. From here. From everything.

Home.

I needed home.

"What is going on," Alec opened the door. "I heard yelling."

I rounded Ben, but he grabbed me. Swinging toward him, my fist punched him in the eye. "Don't touch me!" I yelled at him.

He listened and he stepped back. His hand reaching up to his eye. His shocked expression.

"Alec," my voice cracked. I turned my back on Ben. "Can you take me home?"

"Of course."