Laced » Lip Gallagher [3]

9: tranquility

"Now I'm slipping through the cracks of your cold embrace..."

-

I've never been one to wear my heart on my sleeve.

I hide myself in clouds of aggression and lace my words with sass to protect myself from getting wounded. I never smile in public because happiness entices those who seek it and that idea alone terrifies the living shit out of me. I don't keep those around who lack thick skin because sometimes my truths are too honest and hurtful. I push and I shove until I'm left alone.

People aren't my thing and I'm not there's.

Wearing my heart on my sleeve requires a degree of exposure that I'm not equipped to handle. Behind the walls of my tough exterior, lies more than what I'm willing to accept. I'm a girl with daddy issues and a psychotic mother complex and that leaves me vulnerable to hurt and jealousy. Emotions hit me a million times harder than most but because I'm so guarded, they explode in me like bombs until I'm left with only myself.

I get wounded just as easily I wound.

And when I'm wounded, I run. I run as far as I can from everything until I'm in a place of abandonment. In that place of abandonment, I find myself in a state of tranquility, and not in a peaceful sort of way. I would numb myself with different narcotics until I could barely remember my name, let alone the shit that made me run in the first place.

I ran and I hid.

But as I stood there watching as Lip's stupid thumb caressed Sierra's stupid knuckles, I couldn't find it in me to run.

It was odd. My stomach turned itself sick and I wanted to scream at the top of my jealous lungs, but I couldn't pull myself to kick that door open and run home. I was stuck with my feet firmly on the ground and my heart stuck in my throat.

She tilted her head with a delicate smile and looked down at his hand. I felt my nails dig in the palm of my hands when I saw her biting her bottom lip. I could only see the back of his head from where I stood but I could practically see the smile he had for her on his face perfectly in my head. His flirtatious eyes on her danced in my head and I felt enraged.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was halfway through the diner shoving past drunk hipsters and flapper waitresses. My eyes were dead set on the back of Lip's head.

The closer I got, the less I could feel of my beating heart. I knew my hands were shaking but that only drove me further down the rabbit hole.

By the time I reached their booth in the back, Sierra looked at me and lightly smiled. It took Lip a few milliseconds to follow her gaze and when he finally saw me, his hand slowly drew back from hers and his smile dropped.

"Hey, Cash," Sierra looked behind me and raised a brow, "Did Fiona need help with something?"

Just the idea of her thinking I was there to seek her help, humored me.