Laced » Lip Gallagher [3]

12: lost and found

"we'll figure out our shit and find a way..."

-

I used to get so lost in his details.

The shape of his lips.

The space between his brows.

The curve of his shoulders.

The blue in his eyes.

I would spend hours remembering each detail. Looking over each line and curve, counting each freckle. That way, when I went to bed, I would dream of an ocean so deep and soft that I could float away in.

It was his intelligence that made it easy to fall in love with him. So much so, that it almost made me envious. Envious that I couldn't bury myself into his brain and really see what it was like inside.

It was his intelligence that I loved, but it wasn't what I loved most.

What I loved most was his anger.

His need to fight, his need to yell.

When he was angry, there was a beauty in it that I always kept in my mind like photos.

The gritted teeth.

The furrowed brows.

The tense shoulders.

The fire in his eyes.

He wore it so effortlessly.

It was what I admired most. The way he could shift the room with a single breath. The way he could explode and take everyone with him.

This was what I envied the most. His ability to show his anger, without a care in the world, was what I was always jealous of. He wouldn't hide behind his walls, scared of doing or saying something that he would regret. He showed his anger like it was the only thing he knew how.

Before I met Lip, I was cracked in so many places that I didn't know how to fix. Each time my parents argued, each time my mom called me names, each time my dad would drink. Their screams were what caused a burn in my chest. It was a feeling that scared me so much that I would bury it. I would glue my cracks shut, hoping that I wouldn't break.

But when I met Lip – even as a little boy – he was so honest with what he felt. If someone said something that didn't sit right with him, he wouldn't bottle it up and move on. He did something I wish I always knew how to.

He used his fucking voice.

After I met Lip, everything came apart.

The glue that was holding together all the shit that I had kept inside since I was a little girl, came apart so effortlessly. All the anger I felt, all the venom I was holding in – it poured out.