For His Pleasure

22

"Why couldn't you have just told me?"

Ben's changing moods were too much for me. My mind was a mess after the panic and exhaustion I had felt, and I could barely get anything to make sense.

"Who told you?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper as my eyes remained firmly on anything but the man beside me on the couch.

"Why did you lie to me?" He ignored my question, his tone careful but very intent on knowing the truth.

"Lie to you?" I repeated, my words slow. I felt almost numb. It had never been my wish for Ben to know about my past. I felt extremely betrayed.

"The whole ballet bullshit story.."

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose while letting my eyes slip shut, "it's what I tell all the men."

Ben was quiet for a moment, processing what I'd told him. I honestly had no idea how he would react.

"Say I did like you," he began after a moment, his voice low and calm, and my heart ached in my chest, "what then?"

"I... Ben..." It was too late for this conversation; my mind and body both about to fall asleep.

"You like me too, that—"

"I like the happy side of you. The kind and funny one," I breathed out, trying to remain calm even when I felt his hand gently place itself on the small of my back, in attempts to comfort me.

"You can't just have feelings for one side of me, sweetheart," I could tell me was trying very hard for me to keep his casual exterior. I couldn't put myself in his shoes, so I had no idea what he was feeling.

I decided to just tell him the truth, "I was hoping the frustrated side of you was only temporary. I was thinking it stems from you having been forced into a job you don't want to do, and would pass..."

Again, he was quiet for a moment, but he did begin gently moving his thumb to comfort me further, and I was surprised as it actually did. I felt my whole body relaxing, and finally turned a little to be able to meet his dark gaze.

"I've been a dick to you. Insulting you and not knowing I was hitting you where it hurts. Sofia, I—"

I leaned in and silenced him by hesitantly pressing my lips against his. Before I could pull back, both his hands raised to gently cup my jaw. He kept me in place and deepened the kiss as if he had been waiting for this moment.

Ben was gentle and caring, and my whole body now felt awake. I kept my hands firmly on my lap, though, heart racing as I hadn't planned him to actually kiss me back.

"I don't know how to feel, it's confusing as hell," he pulled back what felt like all too soon, and a small sound of disapproval left my lips before I could stop myself. Thankfully he hadn't seemed to notice.

Ben ran a hand through his hair and relaxed back against the couch with a frustrated exhale.

"I know you care for me, Ben..." I tried hesitantly, trying to calm myself down. I noticed his tongue discreetly move over his lower lip, as if he tried to savour the taste of my lips on his.

"I don't know if you're fucking with me. I feel like you are," his eyes met mine, showing a vulnerable side I definitely hadn't been expecting, "you can seduce anyone you want to. You told me the ballet story... I feel like you're after something."

I frowned, feeling terrible he'd feel so paranoid. His father had warned him of what the position of Don entailed. Anyone could try to stab him in the back, and it was a good thing for Ben to be wary.

"I'm not after anything. As soon as I find another job, we won't work together anymore. If I was trying to seduce you, wouldn't it make more sense to stay longer?" I assured him with a faint smile, "besides, there's not much your father hasn't told me about everything."

He chuckled almost breathlessly and nodded, "of course he'd tell you everything."

"He trusts me," I reminded him quietly.

I looked down at my lap again and tried to not think of the fact that I really was alone in this world. I had no friends, only acquaintances, since I hadn't let anybody get close to me on an emotional level in years. Mr Capra has always been like a father to me, but before I knew who had told Ben about my past, I couldn't trust him either.

"Do you trust me?"

I was brought back from my thoughts by Ben's low voice and his hand gently moving onto my thigh.

"I don't know," I replied honestly, meeting his stunning, deep and dark eyes, "I don't appreciate you having done this, you've forced me to open up to you..."

He shook his head, "I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry, Sofia, I really am. It's hard to think you had to go through what you did... I didn't want to accept it, it made no sense..."

"You purposefully made me think you were going to pay me for sex. That's disgusting," I spoke quietly, "you knew it would hurt me."

"I did."

"Why would you do it, then?" I frowned, wanting him to explain this since I wasn't understanding, "if it's so hard for you to accept the fact that I was a prostitute, it makes no sense for you to put me in that position!"

Ben sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Instead of replying, he nodded once.

"I don't know why I can't accept it, Sofia," he muttered lowly, and my frown deepened, "I'll leave you alone, just—"

He abruptly stood up. My brows furrowed as I followed each of his movements carefully. It upset me how troubled he was by his own thoughts. The muscles on his back were so tense, all I wanted to do was give him a relaxing massage to ease the load on his shoulders.

I shook my head to myself and stood up after Ben.

"Ben..."

"Good night, Sofia," the frustration in his tone was clear, and I had enough.

I grabbed his wrist, my mind not as fast as my actions.

"No, you don't get to do this," I breathed out shakily. Ben took no steps to head towards the door, and instead stayed standing with his broad back to me.

I huffed and rounded his body to then face him. His hard gaze was focused away from me and on the wall, his jaw locked tightly in place.

"Look at me, Ben," I spoke through clenched teeth and gently brought one hand up to cup his jaw. I carefully brought his face towards mine, and his eyes met mine.

"Why are you so difficult?" I asked, my tone losing all of its conviction and toughness the moment his gaze softened.

All of a sudden, his eyes looked like the ones of a lost child. My heart rate increased, and a deep sense of empathy for his situation hit me. This big and tough man was lost.

My mind blanked completely. I had no clue of what I would say next, or do. My rational mind was returning slowly, as heat crept up my body.

Just as I was about to take a step back from him and take my hands off his wrist and jaw, Ben cupped my jaw and roughly pressed his lips against mine.

I surprised squeak left my lips, but was muffled by his soon after.

I stumbled back, in my state not necessarily trying to pull away from the kiss.

Ben followed my steps backward, though, and I soon found my back meeting with a wall and a hard front pushing me further against it.

"Fuck it," I faintly heard him mumble to himself, before he kissed me again.

This time, I kissed back, my heart racing so fast I was afraid it would break out of my chest.