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A/Lonely

Another lonely night. Key word:Lonely. See not alone or by herself. Lonely. The girl doesn't mind being alone sometimes, heck she prefers her own company. But you'd understand that that soon becomes a bad state when you too have been alone for over two years. No one to really call or hang out with. No one to hug as you sob out all the things piling up on your chest. No one to go to in your hard times. No one to smile at you brightly.

Just no one.

Lonely.

It's on nights like these that she remembers these things. All things I guess. From the loneliness to the absence of her great grandmother to the break up of her and her ex best friend. Heck she even remembers the little things that lead up to this point.

And suddenly, she's crying.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, she can finally cry. It's a surprise for her whenever she does cry considering the fact that she never cries (no matter how hard she's tried). She bottles it all up and when she's feeling her happiest it's all released. Why whenever she's happy? Why can't she just be happy?

Why do other emotions have to slip in and attack her weak heart?

Weak heart, huh. You wouldn't expect it from her. The iron shield she keeps around it making her seem almost incapable of feeling any negative emotions. She only shows happiness or annoyed. God forbID her from letting anyone but herself know that she was even just the smallest amount of sad. Pfft, fuck that. You'd have to break down about a million to infinity amount of walls just to get a glimpse of one tear dropping.

And if you've seen that or heard about it, then know you're special to her.

But even so majority of the time she hides behind her walls, hugging her Mrs Moo just a little to tight, sobbing out her eyes and trying her hardest not to make a sound.

She tried to look at the sky but even then she couldn't see it.

She tried to turn on her fairy lights, but they seemed to be broken.

The little things that calmed her seemed to disappear and she broke just ever so slightly more.

And then the thoughts creeped back in. The waves of tears came again.

And she broke all over again, lonely.

Because she isn't alone.

She's just lonely.