He thought I was dead

I will step into the light of the Father

I awake to a stinging pain in my leg for me to open my eyes slowly looking around seeing I am in the same room that I was in the last time here smelling blood but there is no sign of John or even his brothers or sister making me to try slipping my hands through the ropes when someone comes in for me to drop my head looking like I am asleep for the Peggie to come over making me to headbutt them but when they were going to slap me a hand catches it for me to look up seeing John there looking that he is not impressed at all, "would you like to explain why there is mark on Mary to the father" John hisses for the Peggie to step back looking scared, "leave" he hisses for the Peggie to run away making me to sit there looking to John who turns his eyes on me, "sinner" he says to me making me to sit there as Joseph and Jacob enter for Faith to skip over, "you look awful Mary" Faith says to touch my cheek knowing I have nightmares which makes it hard to sleep for me to look away knowing I'm not in the mood today for this my mind is tired and also I'm exhausted, "not talking today Mary" Joseph questions for me to look to the ground wishing to sleep, "I'm just tired of running" I answer for Faith to undo my bounds for me to look at her with shock on that knowing she is stupid but this is awful, "come on then" she says holding out a hand for me to look to her and then the hand knowing I have never seen this for me to reach my hand out taking it for her to grip it as I get up, "can she stay with me brother" Faith asks the guys for me to watch them, "have fun Faith" Joseph says for Faith to take me away making me to hold onto her hand as we leave to her place where I am to have fun with Faith. Days passed for me to be sitting on my balcony reading my diary when the doorbell goes for me to leave my diary there going off to the front door which I open seeing Joseph and John for me to look at them, "where's Faith?" John questions as they step in, "having fun with the deputy" I answer for Joseph to look at me for me to cross my arms over my chest for protection on that with a sour look on my features wanting to go back to my past through that diary, "would you two like a drink" I question for Joseph to shake his head on that, "no we only were looking for Faith but it seems she is busy so we will talk later" Joseph says for me to nod on that, "ok" I answer, "you know your way out" I say to point to the door going off to my room upstairs still tired for me to lay on the bed knowing I am weak from the accident for me to cough making me grab my tissue box coughing into the tissue seeing blood making me to shake slightly on that, "fuck no" I whimper to curl up into a ball crying into my pillow then, "I will heal you" I hear the lord whisper making me to lay there while asleep. 

Dinner sits in front of me as Faith is talking with her siblings making me to be left out of the conversation not feeling hungry at all but the father wished for me to eat with them for me to look at the stew with fear if I leave I'll be hurt, "Mary your not hungry" Faith questions for me to look up at her noticing the men looking to me as well which makes me to feel fear building up then, "ummm, I am just tired" I say to look at my food then with a conflicted gaze wanting to hide in my room now, "Mary it is a special dinner with all the family" John says for me to look at him and then at Joseph who nods on that making me to slam my spoon down near my stew, "then I'll let you to have a family dinner" I say to take my food going outside to sit there wishing that I didn't lose so much when I was young because having no family hurts me deep inside. I heard them talking for me to sit by the wall listening and so I am out of the way, "the deputy is getting closer to you John be careful" Joseph says for me to sit there with me gulping in knowing I have to get to the deputy, "he will be killed before he can" John answers, "John if you think on it like that the gates of Eden will be forever closed towards you" the father says for me to sit there to then scurry away up the other staircase to my room taking out my radio that is a secret from Faith for it to not be picked up by radio detectors for me to switch it on turning the sound down, "Deputy do you copy, Deputy" I say for me to wait patiently, "this is Nick, over" Nick says into the line for me to smile on that, "Nick this is Hope, over" I say for me to hear him sigh, "Hope we have been worried sick, over" Nick says for me to breath in on that knowing being captured is the worst, "Is Deputy there, over" I ask for me to hear someone coming, "got to go, out" I say  for me to end it by closing the line as the door opens making me to stuff it under my pillow getting up quickly seeing Joseph standing there, "what were you doing?" he questions for me to look at him with no fear in my eyes, "reading" I answer while putting my diary in my draw with me looking to it noticing that one of the photos showing for me to wonder if it was like that or someone looked, "you seem upset Mary what could be the matter" he says for me to grip my hands into fists not liking that he cares when he doesn't I can feel it in his voice. 

I look out the window not paying him mind at all, "you ask what is the matter but there is nothing the matter" I answer to look back on the man standing there with his yellow glasses hiding his blue eyes and his clothes so different to what I remember when I was with him which makes me to fear he is too faraway from my reach, "Mary do not avoid it" Joseph says putting a hand on my shoulder for me to look at him with a glare who gives him the right to touch me at all but then I notice his arm seeing me tattooed there plain to see for me to stand there pale knowing he would never forget the love we shared so long ago in his house that made me to shiver on that knowing I have to tell him soon or he will find out through someone else which would end my life either way. I look away to the window wanting to escape now, "I do not wish to avoid anything, Joseph" I answer for him to pull me into his arms placing his forehead on mine making him to breath in as I close my eyes in peace, "then you will be a child of mine Mary" Joseph says to stroke my hair that was dyed so long ago to blonde for me to breath in on the fact he wishes to make me his disciple so easily, "now you are to rest" he says to pull away making me to look at him seeing the lust in his eyes knowing he was special back then and still he will not atone for that, "ok, thank you father" I answer for him to look at me with a nod leaving me there so I look at the door with a small smile on the fact that his love for me is apparent in his sin.