Living with a disability (lesbian)

Chapter 11:

A week later:

I have been seen Rachel almost every day. I know that I need to stop doing this to myself because it's driven me mad. It so hard because I want to be seeing her but she is dead and there is nothing I can do about it. I have gotten three more notes telling me to move on but how the hell am I supposed to do that. She was suppose to be mine forever. She was the only one who didn't treat me different then anyone else. I keep on tearing the notes up but I cry every time I get one. I stopped drawing and writing songs about death but they still ain't about happy things. How can I make happy art when I'm not happy. Hell while I'm going crazy. I don't understand why she did this. I don't know what was so bad about her home life. My phone starts ringing and it's Rachel's number I hang up because that phone is suppose to be off. Rachel was the one who payed the bill and since she is dead no one else would pay for her phone. I'm not really sad anymore I'm more pissed off that she killed herself. Like for real how could she just leave me like she did. I see her out of the corner of my eye I throw a book at where I think she is. I hear her say that hurt. I grab my head and start shaking it. I say, "I'm fucking crazy. I need to get a grip. I need to fucking let go. I need to forget about her she didn't want me enough to stay alive so why do I fucking care so much. I start screaming. I scream so loud that my brother can hear me inside. Hee runs out and comes up the tree house. He says, "Sis what's wrong why agree you screaming so loud?"

I'm rocking back and fourth. I say, "I'm going crazy I keep on thinking that I'm seeing Rachel everywhere I look. I can't take it anymore she is following me everywhere. Ugh I hate feeling like I'm crazy."

He hugs me and says, "Ssh it's all going to be ok. Don't think of it as a bad thing that you keep seeing her but look at is as she is here to watch over you."

"But I don't want her watching over me because she is scaring me."

"She probably doesn't see it as her scaring you. Maybe she just misses you and doesn't want to leave you."

"Well she keeps on telling me to move on well then it's time for her to move on too."

"Maybe you should tell her that sis."

I nod and he walls out. I see Rachel again and say, "Hun you keep on telling me to move on well it's time for you to move on also."

"I want to make sure that you have moved on and that you are ok before I leave."

"I'll never be ok but you are scaring me always following me around."

"I'm sorry I will watch you from a distance from now on."

I nod. I look out the window and when I turn back she is gone. I start watching a movie and crying. I then say, "Fuck why did you have to do this to me." I start rocking back and fourth.

A/N: I hope you liked vote, comment, or both. I'm going to try to finish this book before Tuesday because I don't know when I will be able to write again and there is only 3 chapters left. I hope you guys don't mind me doing that. Thanks everyone who has been reading this book.