My fucking crazy life

{chapter 1}

I was hearing music and sitting in the window seat while looking out my window. It's my favorite thing to do, just to disappear with music in your ears, but not the normal music that everyone listens to, no, the music i hear is stuff like my chemical romance, tøp, nirvana, arctic monkeys, ac dc, metallica and stuff like that. It's real music. I daydream a lot all the time to get away from this shitty world. It's like music is my only friend it understand me, that's really lonely but it's real. I don't have any friends and i get yelled at in the hallways. But that's life, right? Life is not always fair. And for me, life is never fair. My thoughts get ruined by Emma storming into my room. "Urrrrgh Emma how many times have i told you to knock on the door!!!!" "i'm sorry, im sorry just wanted to tell you that they get home in less than an hour, aren't you excited??" her little face glow up in excitement when she said it. "Ofc i am!! Now get out of my room before i start tickle you!!!" she laugh and get out. The music plays loud in my ears again. I grab my ukulele and start playing a little. No one has really heard me sing, and i don't want someone to hear me sing. I guess im to shy. I set moonlight by grace vanderwall on. It's my favorite pop song. I usually HATE pop songs but this one is actually good. I start playing on my ukulele and before i know it im singing the song. I close my eyes and dream myself into the song. I didn't noticed anything until Marcus was standing in front of me listening to the song. I quickly throw my ukulele on my bed and plug out my earphones acting like nothing has happened, but it was to late. "Wooow Bella you sing so good!" "stop lying i know i sound like shit" "no you don't! Okay i have an idea i won't tell anyone that you sing and play on ukulele if.... " yes this was my chance to get out of this. "If you agree that you sing good". "Urgh ok i sing soooooo good" i say with a sarcasm tone in my voice. He laugh and come over to hug me. I jump down the window and hug him tight. "I've missed you" i say in his warm chest. "I've missed you more" "impossible" i say and he laugh. He walk out and i follow him. I need to find Tinus. I look in his room but he's not there. Then i jump down the stairs to look after him. I finally spot him in the living room talking with mom and dad. I walk over to him fast and grab his wrist and pull him upstairs to my room. He knows me, i hate hugging people in front of others. When we finally is in my room we hug tight. "Baby that was a looong way you put me on when i just wanted to hug you" he said, i don't answer. He kisses my hair. "I love you" i say getting tears in my eyes, even though they only been gone for 1 ½ week. He lifts my chin up "hey don't cry. I love you too and i will always be there for you okay?" he kisses my forehead. "Thank you" i mumble. And then he goes out my room and i go back to my dream world.

Someone knock at the door while i'm hearing my favorite song, teenagers by my chemical romance. "Come in!" i yell maybe a little bit to loud. Emma step in my room. "Dinner is ready" she smiles. I follow her out of the room and down to the dinner table. It's taco friday but i really don't care, i'm just happy that its weekend and i don't have to go to that hell of a school for two days. We sit at the table and everyone is happy. We laugh and talk about everything. Everything was great until mom decided to talk about something. "Bella i think we need to talk about something" "Right now?" i answer cause i know what she wants to talk about and i'm really not in the mood for this. "Yes right now, you should socialise more" "i know, i know". "Why can't you just be like Emma have a lot of friends and hear proper music and wear proper clothes?" I was shook when she said that. "Go out with your friends and be sweet" as she said that she went to far, she went over the limit. "I DON'T WANNA BE LIKE EMMA! I WANNA BE MYSELF!" i yell. "Calm down okay, i just think you should be more like your siblings". "DON'T FUCKING TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! NO I'M NOT LIKE OTHERS AND WE ALL KNOW THAT I'M THE LEAST FAVORITE AND THE MISTAKE!!!"i scream with tears in my eyes. "Don't cuss and don't scream!" my mom yell, but im already running upstairs. I finally get to my room and i throw myself on the bed covering my head with a pillow. Martinus enters the room a few seconds later. "Baby i hate to see you cry" he come over and lift me up from the bed that's already wet in tears. He sits down in my bed and place me on his lap. I hide my face in his warm neck. "She doesn't want me, i'm a failure" i repeat to myself in tinus neck. Tinus try to calm me down but im still crying and i almost can't breathe. My heartbeat get faster and faster while i'm trying to keep order in my breathing. But then tinus remembered something. A song that our mom used to sing to us if we got hurt. It always calm us down.

🎶Don't cry baby everything is gonna be alright, i'm gonna wipe off your tears and blow all the woons away. I will always be there to protect you from storm and wind. You are my everything i won't let anyone come near you🎶

I calm down a lot and my breathing gets ok normal again. "I hate myself and i hate my life, maybe i should just take my life that would be easier for everyone" i say leaning my head on tinus shoulder. "Don't say that i could never live without you ok?!" he say with a shaky voice. "It would at least be easier for mom" i mumble but he hear me. "Stop okay, never ever say that! You remember when mom had cancer and she told you how much she love you? This family can not live without you!" he said with a even more shaky voice. I look up and see that he has tears in his eyes. I quickly hug him tight to stop him from crying. "i'll be back in a second okay?". I nod and he lift me up and place me besides him. He stand up and out he go through the door.

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Heyyy mmers (or non mmers) this is the first part hope you like it🙏🏻 btw im @sunflower.mactinus on ig<3💛