Sometimes | z.m.

39. Sometimes Things Change

(Isabelle's POV)
{Present Day}

As I wake from the memory, my heart aches. I've been awful, I've forgotten everything.

I leap out of bed and scamper over to the closet. Upon opening it, I see a mass of clothes, unorganized and hung up randomly. I swipe through to see if I can find it — that dress.

The scraping sound of the hangers against the metal causes my heart to raise slightly, knowing I'm getting closer to it. Then, at the very end, two clothing bags are hung up — one is my dress and one is his suit.

I take out my bag — the blue velvet one with gold-threaded embroidery saying the little boutique's name. I lay it down gently on the bed, anxious to unzip it. It's been so long since I've even looked at this dress — it's as if I forgot about it.

I peel down the zipper to reveal the white princess-like dress — layers of tooling and little jewels throughout. I run my hand over the memory of that day and our wedding. I rarely think about that anymore — that day he surprised me with this. That was something that really convinced me that he truly did care — that he really wanted to do this. He was like a prince. I feel like, even I've the past few years, we've strayed from this. Maybe we're too comfortable or perhaps we never really were.

It's rare that we spend much time together anymore. He goes to work and I, now, stay home. He gets home, doesn't want to talk about his day, has a shower, eats dinner, watches TV after I've gone to bed and then is gone again when I wake up in the morning. It's like he's afraid to live beside me, I feel like we're back at the very beginning where he's taking this as a temporary thing — or like it's forced.

Although he doesn't do things like he used to, he still makes small efforts now and then, especially recently since we've been trying to fix things. I'll admit I was wrong — he has given me reason to love him, more than enough. I guess overtime, things have changed and we didn't expect this to last as long as it did.

I just wish he liked spending time with me again, wanted to go out with me again. I almost wish that he was afraid of losing me so at least he'd tell me how he truly feels.

I hear the front door open and then close — Zayn's home. I hear his clunky footsteps from his boots go back and forth from the kitchen and then back to the door again to take his shoes off.

Then a wave of emotion falls over me and my cheeks burn. I don't want to cry, I don't have reason to but I feel it coming.

For so long It's felt like we've been growing apart and at some point things are going to snap — everything has a limit. Like a string being pulled in two different directions, eventually it will break apart and never be able to be put back together the same way they were.

"Hey, Isa, so I couldn't find your usually shampoo so I got this orange one... it's like a damage-fixer-thing but it's still shampoo so I hope that's okay..." He says rummaging around in the plastic bag and pulling out an orange bottle of shampoo and reading it without looking up at me.

When he does look up at me, he can clearly read my expression and his face falls.

"What happened?" He asks concerned.

This just hurts my heart even more. Tears start to fall down my cheeks.

"I was so wrong, Zayn... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." I cry while trying not to all at the same time.

"About what? What's going on?" He's genuinely confused. "Why is your wedding dress out?"

"I've been thinking about everything... you know, from the beginning and I realized how wrong I was to say that you never gave me reason to love you... you gave me so much and tried so hard and I've just been ignoring all of it... I'm so sorry... I've been awful to you."

"Oh, Isa..." He says setting the bag to the floor and setting the bottle of shampoo on top of the dresser before coming over to me. "Don't cry, we had a fight and if you felt that way, I'm glad you told me." He sits beside me on the bed, wrapping his arms around my and pulling me to his chest.

"But I was wrong... I was so wrong and I made you feel awful!"

He runs his fingers through my hair, trying to calm me down.

"You've done so much and sacrificed so much for me... I'm the one who hasn't given you reason to love me." I cry.

After saying that, he pulls me to look at him.

"You have given me so much reason to love you and I take it for granted too. You clean the house, make me dinner, do my laundry on top of work and do it without asking me for anything in return. Whenever we watch TV you let me choose what to watch because you know it makes me happy and you rarely ask me to change it. You get me a glass of water before you go to bed every night even though I come into bed long after you've fallen asleep. Those are things you do when you love someone." He says so certain in his words. "I was so afraid you'd want nothing to do with me after the wedding... I didn't know what to do. You made me happier than anyone else has and I didn't want you to disappear. I love you because I know that there's no one out there who I'll ever love as much as you because you treat me and love me the way you do. Even though you said all those things in that fight, you've showed me how much you really do love me in more ways that just your words."

I manage a small smile, unable to keep my tears back as a wave of relief falls over me. He really does know how to make me feel better.

"We've both changed and some parts of us maybe for the worst but we still care about each other. I should make more of an effort to spend time with you, I know I haven't been the best with that lately but, I'm trying to be better now, just as you have been with the dates and telling me how you feel." He hugs me again, "I love you, Isa, that hasn't changed."

"I love you too." I admit, feeling so much better knowing that he knows that I do.

I never want to make him think I don't again. I want him to want to spend time with me because I make him happy like I did instead of picking fights with him all the time.

I love him, I really do and I should. I love him more than anything.

Sometimes things change, but I'll never doubt that he'll always be there by my side.

I'll never doubt that I'll always love him.