Amidst Hatred

Prologue

Have you read about some articles pointing out the rare case of fear of love? That at some point mapapasabi ka na lang na, " Ay, meron pala no'n!". Do you know someone who carries that kind of fear? A fear to interact with others, avoiding to feel the concern, avoiding to feel the love and at some point, the fear to be left behind.

Love is a thing we can't totally define if we don't experience it from the first place. But what if experiencing the happiest and genuine love at your early age can be the reason of your trauma and sufferings?

I am Shanteila Margareth Harlyn and I am afraid of love. I've been in this dark cell called fear of love for so long. It was all started when I lost my family.

I lost my everything. They're all gone.

And that's because of me.

I can still recall the past. It was a cold night. I was walking towards the office of my dad because I've got some good news.

"Dad, Mom! I made it to the top!" I announced cheerfully. Nagsitinginan silang dalawa sa akin saka ako dinaluhan at niyakap nang mahigpit. I smiled from ear to ear and handed them my medal. It was a great feeling to be on the top in consistent years.

"I am so proud of you, Eila!" My dad kissed my forehead. He gave me a heart-warming hug. Si Mommy naman ay hinahaplos lamang ang buhok ko. She's smiling but her eyes got filled with tears.

"So next year, sa States ka na mag aaral!" They announced suddenly. My smile vanished at kumawala ako sa pagkakayakap ni Dad. Nagtabi silang dalawa habang ako'y nasa harapan.

"What? I thought I'm going to pursue my dream here, Dad!" Sumakit ang lalamunan ko dahil sa pagpipigil ng iyak. Pinag usapan na namin ito noon na ayokong mag aral sa States. Pero bakit ganito? Bakit pinipilit na naman nila?

"Anak, para rin naman ito sa'yo. They can offer you a better opportunity," paliwanag ni Mommy ngunit umiling iling lamang ako. What the hell?

"No. You don't understand me! Ayoko nga kasing umalis ng bansa!" My voice raised a bit surprising my parents. Kita ko ang biglang pagbabago ng expression ni Dad dahil doon.

"And you're raising your voice at us? May respeto ka pa ba, Eila? Why is it so hard for you to leave? Dahil ba sa mga kaibigan mo? Or baka naman may boyfriend ka na?" mahinahon ngunit madiing sambit ni Dad. I'm afraid but I tried to remain my composure.

"What the fuck are you saying-" I stopped half way when I felt the strong palm of my Dad landed on my face. Halos manakit ang buong panga ko sa ginawa niya. My tears started to pour as I looked at them with disgust. Sinubukan akong daluhan ni Daddy ngunit tinabig ko ang kanyang kamay.

"I'm sorry...I didn't...I didn't mean to do that," he pleaded. But I've got hurt.

"I hate you. I hate you, Dad. I hate you!" I shouted before I run downstairs while my heart is aching bad. How dare he slapped me?

I immediately called my friends to meet me at the mall. I need to calm down. I won't say sorry to my parents. I just want to live alone and be happy. I don't like being told on what I should do. States, my ass. Di ba ako pwedeng mag aral sa school na gusto ko? There's a lot of prestigious school here in the Philippines. Npagkasunduan na rin naming magkakaibigan na doon kami papasok sa Vondemoure University as it's one of the best university here.

I used my car to go to the nearest mall and while I'm on my way, I received many calls from my parents. I rolled my eyes then started to speed up. I don't want to talk to them for a while. I don't know how to handle this. It's getting on my nerves.

After I parked the car, dumiretso na ako sa loob and went on a coffee shop. I don't care if I'm still wearing uniform while my friends already changed. One of my friends, Nika, waved her hands on me to let me know where they are. I also saw my suitor, Steph, with them. He instantly went to me and hugged me.