playing god

twelve || the game

"if God's the game that you're playing..."

—

<333

tyorkie: hey hayley, can we talk?

yelyah: sure whatever

tyorkie: look, im sorry for pushing you away the other night

yelyah: doesn't matter. i got the message

tyorkie: no, hayles, please. i care about you so much, really, but that's why i had to do it. you're with josh, not me

yelyah: fuck josh. i don't care what he thinks or feels.

tyorkie: ...but, you said you didn't want to hurt him, hayley? and cheating on him with me would be hurting him in one of the worst ways possible

yelyah: there are worse ways

tyorkie: what do you mean?

yelyah: nothing. its fine

tyorkie: okay.

tyorkie: what was that other thing josh said at practice?

yelyah: huh?

tyorkie: the other thing he did besides calling you... that name. you said he called you that and well, something else

yelyah: oh

yelyah: whatever, it doesnt matter

tyorkie: it does to me, hayles

tyorkie: you don't have to tell me, but it does matter to me, a lot. i care about you, hayles.

yelyah: it wasnt something he said

tyorkie: oh? something he did?

tyorkie: he did something? is that why you've changed your mind on these things?

tyorkie: can you tell me what he did?

tyorkie: okay, hayles. i understand you don't want to tell me, and im okay with that. but my mind is going to bad places if you don't tell me, and right now, i want to give josh a piece of my mind and maybe a little more

yelyah: he didnt...force himself onto me or something, if thats what you were thinking

tyorkie: it wasn't, but im relieved

tyorkie: please, hayley. you don't have to tell me, but you know how much i care about you and how much i worry for you..... and if you care about me too, won't you please tell me? ease my mind? you mean so much to me, hayley

yelyah: i do care about you, t. so, so much.

yelyah: that's why i cant tell you

-

there are so many little life lessons to be learned along the long, tiring journey. and though it seems that the more experiences we gain in certain areas and issues, the better prepared we would be to handle them or avoid them altogether. but it isn't always like that, is it? sometimes, it feels as if we keep pushing ourselves down the same hole, even once it fills with more and more
dirt and we can see the bottom clearer and nearer and we know exactly what we're doing to ourselves, and it's really become closer to walking in ourselves than falling.