The Darkness of Light (Chapter Extensions)

Chapter 16 Extension: (Emily and Philadelphia 2013) -mature-

Once we went back to our seats I couldn't concentrate for even a moment.  As the music dramatically swelled my thoughts drifted to what we just did in the theater bathroom.  I feel so relaxed, my eyes drooping, my body still coming down from my high.  I think I could take a short nap, but that would be noticed.   A replay of the last 20 minutes in my head has left me breathless...the way she touched me, her hands searing my skin.  And my face is hot again as a new wave of heat coursed through me.  My thoughts wander and pull me deeper- if I keep going I could burn up right here in my seat. 

I shouldn't go there in my head right now, but Ali can pull me in with a single look, a simple touch. And I can't stop thinking about last spring.

A short, excited breath rushed from my lungs at the thought.  The concert has suddenly faded into the background and I'm not going to fight it anymore. 

If you could see me right now, I imagine my eyes would look vacant, a wide open window to where my mind is. Well, a wide open window to Ali at least. I don't think anyone else knows that about me. When I feel this way and actually allow myself to welcome these sorts of thoughts, my eyes turn exceptionally dark. She tells me when we are having sex she can see it, that she can tell what I want by the look in my eyes.  I shouldn't be thinking like this in a public concert venue but fuck it.  I let my mind take over and relive that night... the night we found our way back to each other.  As I sink further into the memory a whole new wave of heat burns through me.  I have half a mind to grab Ali and head back to the 1950s powder room as every last detail of that night consumes my soul. 

                                 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I stir as Alison slides in bed beside me.  I'm upset and groggy from troubled, restless sleep, 'What...? What are you doing?'

'Finishing what you started,' she replied.  I've been in bed awhile now, my emotions slowly eating away at me with the knowledge that she's going back to her. 

To Avery. 

I quickly sat up, staring at Ali, looking all confused, 'No.  I got up to check on you this morning, and...' I stopped, my voice losing its determination. 

I can't even say the words, I just sound pathetic.  My heart broke into a thousand pieces last night. I had fooled myself into thinking it was just this hairline fracture these past months, that I was slowly wiping her away and leaning toward Thomas. Now it's a visible gash, an open wound. 

Seeing that engagement ring on her finger...I ached inside, a dangerous tightness in my chest.  I want to let out the guttural sob that's been building in me for hours. It's like Ali is standing on me and I can't breathe.  I fucking can't BREATHE.  Her perfume, her scent, her body sliding next to me in the sheets...it's suffocating me.  Ali is in my bed and all I want to do is hold onto her, never let her go.  I read that letter Avery wrote and I know Ali and I are over, that she's going to marry her. She doesn't love her, she doesn't!  I feel dead inside, but I find my voice again and continue.

'...why?  Why are you doing this?  You had that ring on before in front of me.  It's cruel, Ali, I can't bear it- I can't keep doing this, it hurts too much!' I'm being a hypocrite, but I don't care.

'What are you talking-...'

'Avery...' I add, an obvious edge to my voice.

'...so you read the letter, didn't you?'

I honestly didn't mean to, but it was right there, I couldn't resist. 'Yes, and you're going back to her.  I saw the ring on your finger... the one she picked out for you all those years ago...it's beautiful.'