farm boy // joshler

33

josh's point of view

i watch the sunrise from my window. it's almost like watching paint dry or a cake in the oven. it's a slow movement, but the time passing is hardly noticeable with all the thoughts rushing through my brain.

i watch the colors blend and shift, watch the birds fly through, cutting across the endless expanse of the sky. i think i'd like to be one of them. life must be much simpler. birds dont worry like i do.

i hear my door open, shuffling feet, and a soft sigh. i knew it was tyler from the second i heard the door, so i don't flinch when i feel his soft hand on my shoulder. after his hand, the sensation of his lips on my cheek comes through my daze and i turn to look at him.

"good morning." i stand up straight and stretch my arms above my head. i'm not sure how long i've been leaned against my window, but it was apparently long enough to leave an indent across my forearm.

"why are you up so early?" he asks. "we don't have to work today."

"i could ask you the same thing," i reply, forcing a small smile. based on how my morning has gone thus far, i don't know that i'll be smiling genuinely much at all today.

"touché." he smiles back at me, and his seems to be just as fake as mine. "we're still going to the diner this morning, right?"

"yeah, i think so." i shove my hands in the pockets of my pajama pants, unsure of what else to do with them. i hate to feel so awkward on his last full day here, but i cant bring myself to be as upbeat as normal when i know he's going to leave tomorrow.

"hey, are you okay?" tyler brings his hands up to cup my cheeks and i close my eyes, relishing in the feeling and doing my best to memorize the how it feels to have his fingertips on my skin.

"you leave tomorrow," i state the obvious, the words bitter on my tongue.

"i know." he leans forward and presses his forehead against mine. "i know."

-

the diner is bustling and noisy, as it usually is. uncle scott, tyler, and i order our regular meals, but i don't eat much of the food set before me. my stomach is full of longing and anticipation, butterflies of feelings fluttering through my stomach.

"eat up, boy," uncle scott scolds me lightly for my behavior, so i take a few bites to please him.

add that to the list i suppose.

-

scott decides to spend the day (and night) with miss patty so tyler and i can spend our last full day together doing "whatever it is you boys like to do."

the two of us end up laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling in a sad silence.

i open my mouth to say something, anything, but a sigh is the only thing that escapes.

tyler's hands play with one of mine, and i can tell he's trying to think of something to fill the silence, just like me.

eventually, he drops my hand and sits up, his head tilting to look at the floor. "josh?" he says my name, but keeps his eyes locked on the ground.

"yeah?" i decide to sit up with him, letting my eyes rest on his profile. i want to remember every angle of him before he's gone.

"i, um," he clears his throat and then finally turns to face me. "i want to be with you before i go."

"you are with me." i place my hand on his knee, hoping it will provide some sort of comfort or reassurance for him.

"no, josh, i-," he pauses and takes my wrist, moving my hand up his thigh a bit. "i want to be with you before i go."

"oh." i look down at my hand and then back up at his face. his cheeks are stained pink and his eyes are downcast. "you want me to be your first?" my voice is soft when i say this, clarifying gently.

"i do." he looks at me now, his eyes wide and innocent, maybe a bit nervous. "i-i mean if you want."

rather than speaking again, i lean forward and kiss him, my lips moving slowly against his. this. this is bliss.

i pull away, only to pull his shirt off of him. i toss it to the side and then let mine join it on the floor. "okay?"

"yes." he nods and then slides down so he's laying on his back. his hands come up to my shoulders and he pulls me down to kiss him again.

after a few minutes of wandering hands and messy kisses, our pants come off.

one of my hands finds its way down to rest on top of tylers bulge.

"you're sure?"

"i'm sure."

with his confirmation, i pull his underwear off and the peck his cheek before moving away to reach into my bedside drawer.

i grab the small (probably expired) bottle of lube and pour a bit onto my hand.

"why do you-"

"compulsory heterosexuality," i answer his question before he can finish asking, not wanting to dwell on the memory.

i take him in my hand, stroking him gently as i pepper kisses across his neck.

tyler, being the sensitive thing he is, moans a bit after awhile. "josh, i-i want-"

"okay, baby. shh, i know." i move my hand away from him and press a kiss to his lips. "i'll take care of you. i promise."

"i love you."

"i love you."

"you ready?"

"yes."

with another confirmation, i finally slide one finger inside of him, leaving it still for a bit.

"just get used to it. take a moment. i won't move until you're ready," i reassure him, though the feeling of having my finger inside him makes other parts of me not want to stay so still.

"i'm-i'm okay. you can move," he tells me, relaxing a bit after adjusting.

i push my finger in and out slowly, carefully. once he's used to that, i slide in another finger.

he moans, eyes closed tight at the second digit pushing into him, a somewhat shy, hushed sound.

"don't hold back, love. it's okay." i leave a kiss on his collarbone and he nods. "are you ready?"

"y-yes, please," his eyes open again as i pull my fingers out.

he watches as i pour just a bit more lube onto my hand (just in case) and rub it onto myself. i do my best not to overreact to my own touch, but it's been awhile, so a low gasp still manages to leave me.

"josh, i love you," tyler steadies his voice long enough to tell me this, his eyes on mine.

"i love you," i say it back to him before i push into him, moving slowly and carefully. i again remain still to let him adjust, and this time it's even harder to refrain from moving. "are you okay?"

"ah, um, yes," he stutters an answer. "just, ah, one more minute."

"take all the time you need." i kiss his cheek, trying my very best to comfort him.

once he gives me the green light, i move. i thrust in and out of him very slowly. i don't want his first time to remembered as just some summer bang he encountered. i want him to remember the emotions tied to the physical moment. i want him to remember the love he feels, the overwhelming amount of love i have for him in return. i want him to remember i cared.

-

tyler reaches his climax before me, but it doesn't take more than an extra two minutes for me to finish after that, and then we're left collapsed into my bed, sweaty and tired.

"thank you."

"for what?" he blushes a little and takes a deep inhale, trying to catch his breath.

"letting me make love to you."

(an: only like 3 more chapters left! sorry for all the time skips in this one btw. i wrote it at 3:21 am so maybe not my best, lol. anyway, hope you're all well. ♡♡)