farm boy // joshler

35: epilogue, part i

josh's point of view

(one month later)

my hands grip my steering wheel tight. i parked here almost fifteen minutes ago, but i've yet to gather the courage to step outside of my car.

i see people begin to flood out of the building, and my eyes desperately search for him.

my knuckles go white on the wheel as my eyes dart from student to student. and then i see him.

tyler.

he's walking with someone though, a boy. and he's smiling so bright that my heart pounds, memories flooding through my head.

every small kiss shared, every discreet hug, every quiet "i love you." i never forgot about it, but the strength at which it hits me now is a mixture of a pain and nostalgia i'll never be able to explain.

and then the boy slings his arm around tyler, leaning down to kiss his cheek. he blushes, those strawberries growing in his cheeks once again, just like i remember. this time, moths settle in the pit of my stomach where butterflies used to swarm.

i watch for a bit as they walk together, talking and laughing. my body sinks back into my seat and my eyes close.

"this was dumb," i mutter to myself, letting my head fall so my forehead is sitting on the steering-wheel. "god, i'm an idiot." i sigh and sit up again, starting my car and pulling out of the parking lot, driving back to my dorm.

i walk down the hall and turn to our door, the sign that reads 'josh and tosh,' staring back at me. tannar thought it was funny, and it made no difference to me what was on the door. i didn't care if i made anymore friends, really. because i figured i'd still have tyler.

instead, i have a thin mattress and no friends. all because i was too scared to talk to him.

what would he have done if hed seen me? what would his boyfriend have done? was that even his boyfriend? would he even remember me?

we didn't talk for very long after he left. it was too hard. too painful. i told him i wanted him to have a good senior year, to branch out and have fun in all the ways i didn't get to. i wanted that for him. but seeing it in person is more difficult than i anticipated.

once i'm inside, i take out a canvas and some supplies, getting to work on a new piece. painting may not solve all my problems, but it's better than sitting and doing nothing.

my roommate barges in from the bathroom and tries to ask me about what happened.

"josh, you're back! come on, tell me about it. did you see him?" he takes a seat on the foot of my bed and looks over the start of my painting.

"yes, i saw him. and he was with someone else," i spit my words, hating the way they feel but doing my best not to get anymore upset than i already am. i focus on my painting and make a swirl of blue across it.

"well, did you still talk to him?" tannar asks.

"no."

"what? why not?" he asks, his hands coming up to cross over his chest.

"because i was scared." i make a dash of indigo. "i didn't even know what to say." a streak of green.

"what about 'hey, tyler. how are you?'"

a bit of orange. "i loved him, it's not that simple."

"seems pretty simple to me."

- (six years later) -

i hear the bell ring from my desk and then stand and smile when claire opens my door.

"hello, mr. dun!" she greets me warmly and her class files in, taking their seats.

"hi there, miss claire," i give her a small wave and then step closer to the whiteboard. "hi, class!"

the class of six year olds gives me a chorus of "hi, mr. dun!"

miss claire leaves and i'm left to teach the lesson. after i explain the instructions and hand out supplies, i leave them to it.

being an art teacher has been amazing. watching the kids work, seeing the focus on their face, the pride when they're finished. it's very gratifying.

"mr. dun, come here!" one of my students, lily, raises her hand high.

i walk over to where she sits and squat down to her level. "yes, miss lily?"

"i made my picture jim! your puppy!" she holds her picture up for me to see and a huge smile comes over my face.

"that's awesome! i'll be sure to show him. i'm sure he'll love it." i wink at her and she claps her hands.

once they leave, i go about cleaning up. when i'm done, i sit back at my desk, lily's drawing of him in front of me. and i know he's at home, probably laying around with jack and waiting for my return.

i twist the wedding band around on my finger and smile.

(an: part one of the epilogue lol. next one is in tyler's pov!!)