farm boy // joshler

34

tyler's point of view

i wake up in josh's bed, my shirt gone and my legs thrown across his. my cheeks go pink at the memory of yesterday.

he thanked me. i wasn't expecting it, and really i thought i should be the one thanking him.

i try to brush off the technicalities of the etiquette, instead turning my head to face the boy next to me.

his eyes are closed, and streaks of light cast over his face from the cracks in the blinds.

i soak it in, wanting to tattoo this moment in my brain. i don't want to forget this. this view. this feeling. this man.

i bring my hand up to his face, gentle and soft. i brush my thumb over his cheekbone and he hums quietly, slowly regaining consciousness.

"good morning, joshua," i speak quietly, not wanting my voice to shatter this warm, calm feeling.

"i love you," he replies, ignoring the typical response to my words.

i laugh a little, a bit thrown off, but say it back nonetheless. "i love you."

"say it again."

i know he's trying to avoid the elephant in the room, we both are. so i go with it.

"i love you."

"one more time?" he opens his eyes and looks at me, a soft pleading there. "please?"

i shuffle around so i'm laying on top of him. i kiss his forehead. "i love you."

then i kiss his nose. "i love you."

each of his cheeks. "i love you."

and finally, i press my lips gently against his. "i love you."

"what am i going to do without you, ty?" his eyes convey every thought in his head and every feeling in his heavy heart.

"i don't know," i answer honestly and then glance at the clock on the nightstand.

it's quiet for a moment before i speak again.

"my dad will be here in 3 hours."

josh closes his eyes again and takes a deep breath. "i don't want you to go."

"i know," i lean my forehead against his. "i don't either."

"when you start school, will we still talk? text and stuff?" he's asked me this before, and my answer remains the same even though i'm not sure how true it is.

"of course."

"we have to breakup though." he opens his eyes and i can see the tears pooling in them, about to spill. "i don't want to breakup with you. i don't want you to leave," he says again, this time more broken up as a tear finally slides down his cheek.

"me neither."

-

"tyler, your dad called. he'll be here in a couple hours. you got everything packed?"

even scott seems to be a bit down today.

"yeah, i do." i nod, moving my cereal around in my bowl.

"are you excited to see him?" he asks, taking a sip of his coffee.

"yeah," i say again, though this time, it's a lie. i clear my throat and change the subject. "school starts in a week or so."

"senior year. it'll be fun." josh offers a weak smile.

"you thought about college?" scott asks, leaning back in his chair and taking another long sip of his coffee. i'll never understand how he drinks it black, but it's one of the details i think i'll remember.

"yeah. i'm not sure where i'm gonna go yet, but i'll probably major in music and minor in business." i stand up and put my bowl in the sink. "i'm not sure what i'll do with it yet, but i'll figure something out."

"you could be a producer," josh chimes in, standing up to meet me at the sink to put his bowl in as well. "or own a music shop."

"yeah? it'd be pretty cool to own a record shop. i've thought about it before," i continue the conversation, glad to no longer be talking about my father.

"i dropped out of college." scott chuckles. "waste of my money and time."

"i never got to go," josh says, a bit of sadness in his tone.

"it's not for everyone," is scotts response.

i clear my throat. "is it okay if josh and i ride the horses around one more time?"

"course," scott says. "y'all have fun. just be back before noon. i don't want your dad to wait."

josh and i walk out then, a short goodbye issued to scott before we're out the door. as soon as we're out of his view, i take josh's hand in mine.

"i love you."

"i love you." he squeezes my hand. "so fucking much, tyler."

we reach the stables and i stop the second we step inside, wrapping my arms around him.

i wanted to get my goodbyes out of the way now, that way it'll be easier when the time comes. plus, i can't hug him like this in front of anyone else.

his arms around me begin to shake from how tightly he's holding me. i feel warm tears flood down my cheeks and my breath catches in my throat, coming out as a quiet sob.

"i don't want to say goodbye to you," his voice is a whisper in my ear, quiet and comforting.

"then don't."

-

when the time comes for my dad to arrive, josh and i are silent. my bags are sitting next to me as i stare out of the screen door from the kitchen table, waiting to see my father's car pull up.

scott is silent as well, his hands together on the table. none of us seem to know what to say.

and then i see his car.

we all stand up and shuffle stiffly out of the door, still not saying a word.

scott goes out to greet my father, talking to his old friend as josh and i head towards the trunk to put my stuff there.

"i love you," he whispers this to me, giving me one last hug.

"and i love you."

we step away and close the trunk. scott waiting for me with open arms.

"c'mere, boy." he pulls me into a hug and pats my back. "stay in school. and don't be too hard on your pops, okay?"

i just nod. "goodbye, scott." i pull away from him and make eye contact one last time with josh. we both know the word that lingers, but we keep our agreement not to say it.

and then i get in the car. and i watch the two of them grow smaller until they disappear.

my farm boy.

the end.

(an: this is probably the worst last chapter you've ever seen. but, fear not. there will be a two part epilogue! thank you for reading this far. i love you.)