Forelsket

Chapter 4

Our talk becomes more frequent, sometimes in the name of Sam while sometimes just to pass free hours. I don't know how we gravitated to each other, by each passing day it was as if the bond we shared started becoming stronger to an extent I couldn't have even imagined in the wildest of dreams.  I was a mess then seeing you was great enough, but talking to you had its privilege.

From that moment, we talked about everything and anything. You told me about your girlfriend, and I listened. You told me about your passions and goals I listened. Each conversation with you made me fall a bit harder in love. I was happy, just as a friend. So I said to myself each time.

After about months, you got to know about your girlfriend cheating on you. You become like a lifeless doll. your heartbreak evident in every broken look your eyes had. The unshed tears lingering on your lower lids, ready to flow, Trying to escape the hurt which it felt inside you. But in the name of strength, you would pull yourself up. Every time I tried to talk to you, you just ignored me. And I let you. I thought it was your way of coping.

Inside your hurt I found my solace, My heart was pounding with happiness, maybe this is a chance for some new beginning for us.

Us, you and me blending in the seams of love and becoming everlasting, forever. Each day the hope of us was becoming stronger like a snowball falling from the mountain tip becoming bigger and stronger with each momentum, becoming unstoppable and dangerous.

Then I still remember the day when I was about to close the cafe you came by, time just stopped there each of us separated by the glass door. You stood there drunk out of your mind. Your eyes were red and puffed filled with betrayal, unsaid sadness hidden behind anger. You didn't have to ask me to let you in, next minute I was beside you supporting you when you were about to fall, leading you inside. Tiny sane part of my mind was telling at me about the consequences if my aunt came to know about it while I ignored has I made you sit on the sofa.

Coming from a family where the belief of being close to someone would hurt you in the end. I think you made your way into me where every belief was turned into misplaced pieces of a forgotten puzzle.

The minute your eyes, red from the drink still filled with unshed tears saw mine, that moment was enough to make me do anything for you.

I wanted to erase all the self-hate you have for yourself, I desperately wanted to make you see yourself in my vision, a vision of perfection. Like every wish granted.

And I was afraid of that thought of me not being able to hold up to my promises of not giving anyone the privilege of hurting me.

"I will bring some water," I said, hurried towards the kitchen, to compose myself, maintain my off beating heart to its normal rhythm.

Then standing in the kitchen surrounded by the sound of my breath I was pulled back from my delusion, like all the things which were built inside my head were suddenly broken, but even in this brokenness I realized how baseless my infatuation was, I couldn't even put it in words. You were just my favorite thought, a happy face to remember whenever I was sad and a place of security when I felt threatened.

But that's not loving, isn't it? But some insane part of me still holds onto that fragment of infatuation in the name of love. I knew it in some deep parts of me but was afraid to even accept it.

I didn't know what you were for me moments ago, but now I know without a doubt. you were my comfort. my imagination of a fairy tale future which would never be possible.