Your PoV
My heart burns.
It's Christmas eve and everywhere is loneliness. You could say it's my fault, allowing him to move to LA for the year without me. I visited him several months ago, but work and school as well as money meant here was no window for me to go again. My parents are away. I told them I'd be fine. I know I'm not fine.
Christmas eve is always cosy and warm and i always feel safe. But today, in my apartment for two, with the unusually unsettling rain crashing again the windows and the lightning striking dangerously outside. There's not a hint of snow and my living room is decorated sparsely. A wreath here and a garland there with a small tree in the key, looking lonely.
My Christmas playlist plays and every song and every word reminds of him.
Blake Edward Richardson.
I let him go, the dumbest mistake. I lie on my sofa and allow tears to crash over my cheeks like the rain outside.
My phone rings and I long for it to be him.
Suddenly my eyes light up. His name appears on screen. He's requesting a face time.
My heart shudders in my chest. i hesitate to wipe my tears, part of me angry, wanting him to see the mess he's left behind.
So i accept.
His cheeky grin appears on the screen and all my anger melts. It seems cliché but honestly, the pain of not seeing him is deeper than any anger. I was desperate for this.
"Hey, love"
The connection is poor but it doesn't matter. He's there in front of me. smiling and it's the closest we'll be till he's home in two weeks after a year apart.
"Hey, babe" I reply, my child as wide as his.
"I'm honestly so sorry I can't be there. But we cancelled all our sessions today so we could all facetime our families and girlfriends. It's nowhere near enough to being with you but I'm willing to sacrifice so much more. You sacrificed so much for me."
"My love, it's my love for you that's pulled me through this. Honestly. I have cried every night in the same position but i'm willing to sacrifice more. All i want this christmas, my love, is you at my door and i'm willing to do whatever to get as close to that as possible."
"This is it. I'm sorry but i think this is the closest. It's not enough for me. It never will be but it's just this year. I'll never do it again. i promise. And I mean every word"
"i know you do. I mean every word too and i get it. I have to work and you too. we gotta live in the dark now so we can light up the future"
"True say"
////
We talk for several hours and each hour i feel myself getting closer to him. But the phone cuts suddenly and i try to ring him back and he sends auto texts. "Sorry can't talk right now"
The loneliness returned to the room. and it lasted
////
Two sharp knocks at the door.
I ignore it but something about it seems homely. Familiar.
And so when i hear it again i get up and i run. i know who it is before i peek through the peephole.
I yank the door open to a soaking boy. He's tall and bears the same smile which he had only moments previous on a facetime.
His wet hair is over his eyes and his god is down. Jacket zipped up and cold.
i pull him and against me. i close the door with my back and pull his lips against mine, against the door.
Oh, I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
I'm just going to keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
